pls give me a band score for Task 1-apply holiday

[rairaichan0323]

You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask you manager about this.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
 Explain why you want to take time off
 Give details of the amount of time you need
 Suggest how your work could be covered while you are away

Dear Mr. Wood,

I am writing to request two weeks unpaid leave next month.

Unforeseen and pressing matters arose at home-my grandmother fell ill and was hospitalized. Although she has since fully recovered, she would like me to come and visit her. It is because I am her only granddaughter and we have not met for two years. Therefore, I would like to take holidays from 1st of June to 14th of June.

During this period of time, Jenny Chan-my assistant will cover my job and she has the full experience of dealing with it. I will give my contact details to her just in case of any emergency happen. Also, she will report me about her work by email every day. I firmly believed that she will be able to conduct this duty.

I would be grateful if you can understand my situation and also consider my request at your earliest convenience.

Yours sincerely,

Janis Lam

[durai]

Dear Mr. Wood,

I am writing to request two weeks unpaid leave next month.

Unforeseen and pressing matters arose at home-my grandmother fell ill and was hospitalized.|( not sure, whether this sentence is grammatical correct or not Although she has ( remove 'since', you can't usetwo clauses together full sentence,otherwise it becomes fragment, here you used "although") fully recovered, she would like me to ( remove"come and") visit her ( no need to separate the sentence ". It is") because I am her only granddaughter, and we have not met for two years. Therefore, I would like to take ( 'holidays' may not be appropriate, because in western society, holiday means people use go out to enjoy their time, but i am not sure ) " two weeks off from 1st of June to 14th of June.

During this period"of time", period and time same meaning , Jenny Chan-my assistant will cover my job, and she has the( why article here) full experience of dealing with it. ( what do you mean by 'it', use ' various works') I will provide my contact details to her just in case of any emergency (not required ' happen'). Also, she will report me about her doings by email every day. I firmly believe that she would be able to carry my duties.

I would be grateful if you can understand my situation, and also consider my request at your earliest convenience.

Yours sincerely,

Janis Lam



overall good letter, looks band 6 to 6.5

[rairaichan0323]

thank you very much! durai