correct it please

[neha]

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encourged.Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults."
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Nowadays ,there is an increase competition between countries, people and even among the children . That's why, parents, family and teachers are trying to raise the sense in children. It is beneficial in certain ways. As ,it motivates children to work hard .Moreover, parents and teachers overly are more interested for securing the future of child. For example , if a child loses interest in studies ,he or she will be inspired to do study by seeing their fallows doing so. Secondly, the contests promote children to work hard from the very beginning. A child will obviously , get bore if the school or sports routine is same . Additionally , children will be ready for the utter reality of life. As, a child when grown up will face the same competitions in his job ,marriage and so on.
On the other hand , teaching co-operation to a child help to build the personality. Getting freedom from a depressing competitive world . A child learns how to enjoy life along with fulfilling one's duties . It helps to learn the importance of unity, sympathy and humanity. For-example students doing a combine study , learn more from each other as compare to an individual student. Along with that, faith in God increase by adopting a good habit. Helping others yet, to believe that i shall be rewarded for my hard work and good deed. It help in soothing nerves and helps to see the lighter side of life. At the end, i believe that there should be a sense of competition in a child , yet up to a negligible level. Competition should not devoid a child of humanity. Helping others is not only a good deed, but also a key to success. There are number of examples of successful people who along with their own hard work, help others , cooperation never hinders in their way.

[Flick]

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults."
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Nowadays, there is an increase in competition between countries, people and even among the children . (<-- what children? Children of different countries? Schools? What age? Try this instead:

Nowadays, there is an increase in competition between countries, people and even between very young children. That's why parents, family and teachers are trying to raise the sense (<-- what sense? Try:
That's why parents, family and teachers are trying to create a healthy sense of competition in children. It is beneficial in certain ways: it motivates children to work hard. Moreover, parents and teachers are interested in securing the future of the child.(<-- do not need 'overly' or 'more') For example, if a child loses interest in studies, he or she will be inspired to study (<-- to study is a verb, to do study is not) by seeing their fellow students doing so. Secondly, healthy competition encourages children to work hard from the very beginning. A child will obviously get bored if the school or sports routine is the same or not challenging enough. Additionally, children will be ready for the competitive reality of life: in their careers, relationships, and so on. (<-- I removed the last sentence because it was confusing. I made it part of the previous sentence)
On the other hand , teaching co-operation to a child helps to build personality. (<-- I removed the next sentence because it didn't add meaning to the essay) A child learns how to enjoy life along with fulfilling one's duties. It helps to teach the importance of unity, sympathy and humanity. For example, students working together learn more from each other compared to an individual student working alone. Along with that, faith in God increases as a child adopts good habits. The belief that the child will be rewarded for hard work and good deeds will grow. Helping others yet, to believe that i shall be rewarded for my hard work and good deed. (<-- This sentence is very difficult to understand. Helping others means you will be rewarded? How does this relate to a child? Also, you changed from 'the child' to 'I'. It is important to keep the same tone throughout the essay.) It helps to soothe nerves and to see the lighter side of life.(<-- keep the same tense. 'in soothing' and 'to see' are different. But 'to soothe' and 'to see' are the same.) In the end, I believe that there should be a sense of competition in a child, but only up to a point. Competition should not leave a child devoid of compassion. Helping others is not only a good deed, but also a key to success. There are a number of examples of successful people who, along with their own hard work, help others. Cooperation has not hindered their success.

Hi Neha,

This is a good start. You talk about the good and bad aspects of competition, which is what the question is asking.
Remember formatting - no space before a comma or full-stop and one space after.
It also helps to break your essay into an opening paragraph where you introduce the topic, the body of your essay, then a final paragraph where you summarize your essay. Have a blank line between each section to make it easier to read.
Your last three sentences are excellent - a really good way to finish the essay. Well done!

Flick

[neha]

Thank you Flick,for your help . What band do you think i deserve for this essay?

[Flick]

I would give this essay a 5 - I understand your meaning but there are some mistakes.
Keep up the good work!