Letter - recent topic - invite friend for a holiday trip

[allen_zhang]

You have a plan to go holiday. you friend you would like to with.

Write a letter him

Explain why you need a holiday.
What’s your holiday plan?
Why you want your friend to go with you?

Dear David,

I hope you are well. I am just writing to ask if you could join me for a holiday trip to Hainan Island.

As I told you earlier, I have just finished that huge task of my work. The past two months were so hard and stressful for me and I really want to find a place to relax for a while. So I asked for a 7 day paid leaving next month and I am planning to have a tour to Hainan. However, I really hate traveling alone and I am wondering if you could be my companion.

You told me that you had been fancy a trip to Hainan for many years and never got the chance. Well, this could be a great opportunity for us. Since you will be on your summer holiday next month, I guess the time won’t be a problem for you.

I really hope you don’t have any other plans and could go on this vacation with me. I look forward to hearing from you.

See you soon,

Allen

[allen_zhang]

HI Guys,
Can anyone disscuss a little on my letter? I want to analysis it from IELTS assessment criteria.

1. task response
bulletin point 1: Explain why you need a holiday.
As I told you earlier, I have just finished that huge task of my work. The past two months were so hard and stressful for me and I really want to find a place to relax for a while.
bulletin point 2: What’s your holiday plan?
So I asked for a 7 day paid leaving next month and I am planning to have a tour to Hainan.
bulletin point 3: Why you want your friend to go with you?
However, I really hate traveling alone and I am wondering if you could be my companion.
You told me that you had been fancy a trip to Hainan for many years and never got the chance. Well, this could be a great opportunity for us. Since you will be on your summer holiday next month, I guess the time won’t be a problem for you.

My question about task response:
a. do you think I write too less on bulletin point 2?
b. do you think the second part of my work on bulletin point 3 can be seen as a response to bulletn point 3?

2. coherence and cohesion

I hope you are well. I am just writing to ask if you could join me for a holiday trip to Hainan Island.

Since this is a informal letter, I used greeting sentence "I hope you are well."
The second sentence is to state the purpose of my letter.
Do you think think they are well connected? Do you have different idea?

I really hope you don’t have any other plans and could go on this vacation with me. I look forward to hearing from you.

This is the ending. I am not sure if it is proper enough for an informal letter. Do you have any advice? How could I make it more smooth and natrual?

3. gramma and accuracy
I need your advice...

4. lexical resource.
I need your advice...

[durai]

Allen, lets look out your answer

Dear David,

( i prefer something here, before you hope, " How are you?)I hope you are well. I am just writing to ask if you could join ( I used "accompany" in the testme for a holiday trip to Hainan Island. Let me explain. (this is just for coherence)

As I told you ( remove 'you', because you writing friend, so that's obvious, if told to third person then you can indicate here)) earlier, I have just finished the huge task in my work. The past two months were so hard and stressful, for me ( remove 'for me' so I really want to find a place to relax for a while. So I asked for a 7 day paid leave next month and I am planning to have a tour to Hainan. However, I really hate traveling alone and I am wondering whether you could be my companion.

You told me( remove' me' that you had been fancying a trip to Hainan for many years, and never got the chance. Well, ( well ?, this is spoken language, used as filler only, not sure of this) this could be a great opportunity for us. Since you will be on your summer holiday next month, I guess the time won’t be a problem for you.

I really hope you don’t have any other plans, so join this vacation with me.
I look forward to hearing from you. ( very formal) Let me know would you make it or not or Write me as quicklas possible.

See you soon,

Allen

Allen, there is some problem with task achievement, the second question " what's your holiday plan, " is completely left out.

You have to say something about what you do on your holiday like 10 days , visit museums , arts centre, or enjoy music festival. about what accommodation you planned, etc..

[allen_zhang]

Thank you Durai,
I agree that I should write more about the holiday plan.

I read a lot of sample informal letters written by native IELTS teacher and never see they use "How are you". I am not saying you are wrong, but I will avoid it if I never see any others people do so.

"Let me explian" also sounds not necessary to me - again, I am not saying it is wrong and just because I never see any others do so.

"As I told you", I prefer to keep the "you".

"that huge task". the reason I used "that" is that I used "As I told you earlier", so my friend know what task I am talking about.

about the "Well". I saw other IELTS teacher and even Cambridge sample answers use it. I guess it is perfect to be used in an informal letter. (See page 170, Cambridge textbook 7).

You are right about the informal "ending". I'll see if there are more proper expression. I just got one from Cambridge textbook 4 :"Give me a ring and let me know," maybe I can use :"Give me a ring and let me know if you could manage to go with me,"


Best regards,
Allen

[Caleb]

This is sounding good and i think when it comes to all the needs for a holiday trip getting at all the things helps big time.So yeah the way you have talked about it is helpful for sure.