Topic of money and occupation

[yhjsaber]

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. Do you agree or disagree?

It is true that being able to access an abunance of money is one of the main elements affecting a person's decison when it comes to planing for a career. However, I would argue that factors such as ..... are more important in this respect

On the one hand, having competent financial capacity is essential for people to meet their basic needs. For instance, money is a necessity in terms of paying for housing, food, bills, medical care, and education. It is often the case that people prioritise the goal to at least earn a salary which allows them to cover these expences ,and therefore obtain a reasonable quality of life. If individuals chose there professions based on enjoyment or other non-financials factors, they might find it difficult to sustain their lives. Artists and musicians, for instance, are recognised as the representation of people who select a career path they favour, but that does not necessary equip them with the financial ability to lead a comfortable life and raise the younger generation.

I did not have time for writing a whole essay today, this is just a quicky. Is there anyone who wants to complete this essay?

[allen_zhang]

it looks like a teacher's essay.

On the one hand, I agree that money is necessary in order for people to meet their basic needs. For example, we all need money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most people consider it a priority to at least earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. If people chose their jobs based on enjoyment or other non-financial factors, they might find it difficult to support themselves. Artists and musicians, for instance, are known for choosing a career path that they love, but that does not always provide them with enough money to live comfortably and raise a family.

On the one hand, having competent financial capacity is essential for people to meet their basic needs. For instance, money is a necessity in terms of paying for housing, food, bills, medical care, and education. It is often the case that people prioritise the goal to at least earn a salary which allows them to cover these expences ,and therefore obtain a reasonable quality of life. If individuals chose there professions based on enjoyment or other non-financials factors, they might find it difficult to sustain their lives. Artists and musicians, for instance, are recognised as the representation of people who select a career path they favour, but that does not necessary equip them with the financial ability to lead a comfortable life and raise the younger generation.

...

[yhjsaber]

Hi Allen,
Yeah, I was trying to modify it to my style, hope you could try it out.

[allen_zhang]

Hi yhjsaber,
This is my second paragraph.

However, there are other important factors should be taken into consideration in choosing of a career. Firstly, a good working environment is a main contributing factor to job satisfaction. For example, many job seekers would like to work in a nice office with air conditioner service rather than a profession like a construction worker, even if it is higher paid. Secondly, shorter working hours and longer vacations are also preferred for many people. Having more personal time enables people to enjoy their life and better support their family. That is probably the main incentive for some people to choose a career as a teacher - they get summer and winter holidays.

I don't want to stand on the moral high ground talking about stuffs like "contributing to the society" or "helping others". just listed two simple concerns in job selection.
Do you like it?

[yhjsaber]

Hi yhjsaber,
This is my second paragraph.

However, there are other important factors should be taken into consideration in choosing of a career. Firstly, a good working environment is a main contributing factor to job satisfaction. For example, many job seekers would like to work in a nice office with air conditioner service rather than a job like a construction workers, even if it is higher paid. Secondly, shorter working hours and longer vacations are also preferred for many people. Having more personal time enables people to enjoy their life and better support their family. That is probably the main incentive for some people to choose a career as a teacher - they get summer and winter holidays.

I don't want to stand on the moral high ground talking about stuffs like "contributing to the society" or "helping others". just listed two simple concerns about job selection.
Do you like it?

Hi Allen,

The first and the second sentence are not logically connected. Choosing a career in the first sentence and it suddenly jumps to job satisfaction in the second as if you are talking about someone who already has a occupation, not those who want to find one.

If I were you, I would say that the complexity, autonomous and a healthy relationship between efforts and rewards are three main factors attracting a propective employee (by the way, this is taken from a section in a book called "Outliers" where the author clearly illustrates the crucial traits of a profession that allure potential workers). I hope I am making a persuasive argument here

[allen_zhang]

However, there are other important factors should be taken into consideration in choosing of a career. Firstly, a good working environment is a main attraction for job seekers. For example, many people would like to work in a nice office with air conditioner service rather than a profession like a construction worker, even if it is higher paid. Secondly, shorter working hours and longer vacations are also preferred for many people. Having more personal time enables people to enjoy their life and better support their family. That is probably the main incentive for some people to choose a career as a teacher - they get summer and winter holidays.

Hi yhjsaber,
I just changed a few words according to your comments. Actually, I struggled a little on "job satisfaction", I was just trying to avoid repeating "a main consideration". I guess "attraction" could work.
I like your ideas :"complexity, autonomous and a healthy relationship between efforts and rewards".

Generally, I am struggling on how to write an essay. if I say "healthy relationship between efforts and rewards", it is quite academic and looks like coming from a researcher in this area. On the other hand, if I say "longer vacations and shorter working hours", it is just like a normal conversation between people. I believe they are both OK. I am just not sure which one is better for IELTS writing.