Many parents think advertising only tells information about snacks and toys to children. But companies think advertising also tells useful information. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.
In the present age, advertising is an indispensable part of our life. Many parents argue that advertisements only provide unnecessary literature to children such as snacks and toys. While organizations believe that they have provided helpful information. These arguments will be discussed before arriving a satisfactory outcome.
On the one hand, many parents are of the opinion that adolescents only receive useless information from the advertisements. That information only serves to attract them to consume its products. For instance, the Toysrus’s advert only promotes and introduce to customers regard to what the new toys they have now. It never provides people any other educational information. This makes it clear that such information is only deliberately attempt to tempt consumers to buy their products. Thus, it is clear why many parents gravitate towards this point of view.
On the other hand, many firms argue that they had given useful informative details of their products to the public through the advertising. It is because they often provide state-of-the-art products’ information such as the new car model or better health services. Thus, people obtain up-to-date information, which can assist them to improve their standard of living. Therefore, it is clearly true from that why many corporations support to this claim.
By way of conclusion, both of views are supported and refuted by many. However, after analyzing these points of view, I personally believe that adverts have given us a vast amount of valuable literature which is beneficial to citizens for improving our living standard. Also, I believe that advertising will be profoundly influence upon our consuming habits.
pls evaluate my essay!! Task 2 - advertising
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rairaichan0323
- Posts: 196
- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:03 am
Re: pls evaluate my essay!! Task 2 - advertising
In the present age, advertising is an indispensable part of our life. Many parents argue that advertisements only provide unnecessary information ' literature' may not appropriate to children such as snacks and toys ( these should come immediately after the subject.here the subject is ' unnecessary you cannot say it is unnecessary because its not given in the question, this means you changed the topic)information ' not ' children'. While organizations believe that they have provided helpful information. sentence incomplete, this shows poor grammatical control, not good for band 6 or more) These arguments will be discussed before arriving a satisfactory outcome.
re-framed: While many parents argue that advertisements only provide information on food and toys to children, advertising companies believe that they are providing helpful information.
This essay is an attempt to analyse both sides before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.
On the one hand, many parents are of the opinion that adolescents only receive limited information from the advertisements. Those information only serves to attract them to consume its products. For instance, the Toysrus’s advert only promotes and introduce to customers regard to what the new toys they have now. example is good but not had put in right word ,) It never provides people any other educational information. ( explain why it is not educational), ( unconvincing argument, toys could be educational, you need to prove why advert targets children on food and toys ) This makes it clear that such information is only deliberately attempt to tempt consumers to buy their products. you have changed topic here, its not about how ads attract people, why only snacks and toys ads are advertised for children Thus, it is clear why many parents gravitate towards this point of view. (remove last sentence, looks repetition of previous sentence)
On the other hand, many firms argue that they are giving (' had given' why past perfect tense ) useful informative details of their products its nothing about products, whether advertisement give useful information or not to the public through the advertising. It is because they often provide state-of-the-art products’ information such as the new car model or better health services. not a clear example, you can give how some advertisements are useful. For example, aggressive cigarette smoking ad in Australia have reduced smokers by 20% since 2010.) Thus, people obtain up-to-date information, which can assist them to improve their standard of living. Therefore, it is clearly true from that why many corporations support to this claim.
By way of conclusion, both remove 'of' views are supported and refuted by many. However, after analyzing these points of view, I personally believe that adverts should be regarded as a valuable resource which is beneficial to citizens for improving their (use pronoun correctly) living standard. Besides this, , I also believe that advertising would be profoundly influence our consuming habits. that means you agree with both sides, is it?)
you try making simpler sentences into complex patterns, that doesn't work unfortunately.
simple sentences should be in simple. you understood the task but while writing you hadn't have any control to stay on the topic.
try to rewrite this essay and send to me, I look at it ....
sample SP1: On the one hand, many people are of the opinion that advertisement provides noneducational information to children. For example, In Australia, Toysrus's, a big toy manufacturing company, are using ads for persuading children to buy different kinds of toys which have similar functions. Besides this, McDonald's attractive ad on many television channels advertise the best menu for children but without any nutritional suggestions. This results in adolescence because of their impulsive nature would buy without thinking, and the companies make certain profit from it. Thus, it is clear why some argue that advertising are targeting young people in food and toys.
re-framed: While many parents argue that advertisements only provide information on food and toys to children, advertising companies believe that they are providing helpful information.
This essay is an attempt to analyse both sides before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.
On the one hand, many parents are of the opinion that adolescents only receive limited information from the advertisements. Those information only serves to attract them to consume its products. For instance, the Toysrus’s advert only promotes and introduce to customers regard to what the new toys they have now. example is good but not had put in right word ,) It never provides people any other educational information. ( explain why it is not educational), ( unconvincing argument, toys could be educational, you need to prove why advert targets children on food and toys ) This makes it clear that such information is only deliberately attempt to tempt consumers to buy their products. you have changed topic here, its not about how ads attract people, why only snacks and toys ads are advertised for children Thus, it is clear why many parents gravitate towards this point of view. (remove last sentence, looks repetition of previous sentence)
On the other hand, many firms argue that they are giving (' had given' why past perfect tense ) useful informative details of their products its nothing about products, whether advertisement give useful information or not to the public through the advertising. It is because they often provide state-of-the-art products’ information such as the new car model or better health services. not a clear example, you can give how some advertisements are useful. For example, aggressive cigarette smoking ad in Australia have reduced smokers by 20% since 2010.) Thus, people obtain up-to-date information, which can assist them to improve their standard of living. Therefore, it is clearly true from that why many corporations support to this claim.
By way of conclusion, both remove 'of' views are supported and refuted by many. However, after analyzing these points of view, I personally believe that adverts should be regarded as a valuable resource which is beneficial to citizens for improving their (use pronoun correctly) living standard. Besides this, , I also believe that advertising would be profoundly influence our consuming habits. that means you agree with both sides, is it?)
you try making simpler sentences into complex patterns, that doesn't work unfortunately.
simple sentences should be in simple. you understood the task but while writing you hadn't have any control to stay on the topic.
try to rewrite this essay and send to me, I look at it ....
sample SP1: On the one hand, many people are of the opinion that advertisement provides noneducational information to children. For example, In Australia, Toysrus's, a big toy manufacturing company, are using ads for persuading children to buy different kinds of toys which have similar functions. Besides this, McDonald's attractive ad on many television channels advertise the best menu for children but without any nutritional suggestions. This results in adolescence because of their impulsive nature would buy without thinking, and the companies make certain profit from it. Thus, it is clear why some argue that advertising are targeting young people in food and toys.
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
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rairaichan0323
- Posts: 196
- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:03 am
Re: pls evaluate my essay!! Task 2 - advertising
thank you Durai, would you please check this for me . also i would like to ask that what is the other words of information and advertisement? thank you !
beside this, could you give me advice of this essay as well. thank you very much!!
http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1321
Many parents think advertising only tells information about snacks and toys to children. But companies think advertising also tells useful information. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.
In the present age, advertising is an indispensable part of our life. Despite many parents argue that advertisements only provide information regarding to food and toys to children, advertising organizations believe that they are giving helpful information. These points of views will be discussed before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.
On the one hand, many parents are of the opinion that those adverts only provide limited information to children. For example, Toyrus’s advertisements simply promote their toys to kids for persuading them and their parents to consume it. They will not give customers any details about what the benefits can children obtain from playing with their toys. It is argued that adolescents will not been taught by those non-informative advertisements. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards that advertising is only showing children in food and toys.
On the other hand, many firms contend that they are giving useful information to the public. To take Hong Kong as an example, there are some advertisements to warn the citizens about the detrimental of taking drug. Thus, offspring can been educated by it and also the number of young drug takers is declining. After analyzing this point of view, it is clearly true that why many companies supports to this claim.
By way of conclusion, both views are supported and refuted by many. However, after analyzing these points of view, I personally believe that adverts should be considered as a valuable resource which is indeed providing important information to people.
beside this, could you give me advice of this essay as well. thank you very much!!
http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1321
Many parents think advertising only tells information about snacks and toys to children. But companies think advertising also tells useful information. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.
In the present age, advertising is an indispensable part of our life. Despite many parents argue that advertisements only provide information regarding to food and toys to children, advertising organizations believe that they are giving helpful information. These points of views will be discussed before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.
On the one hand, many parents are of the opinion that those adverts only provide limited information to children. For example, Toyrus’s advertisements simply promote their toys to kids for persuading them and their parents to consume it. They will not give customers any details about what the benefits can children obtain from playing with their toys. It is argued that adolescents will not been taught by those non-informative advertisements. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards that advertising is only showing children in food and toys.
On the other hand, many firms contend that they are giving useful information to the public. To take Hong Kong as an example, there are some advertisements to warn the citizens about the detrimental of taking drug. Thus, offspring can been educated by it and also the number of young drug takers is declining. After analyzing this point of view, it is clearly true that why many companies supports to this claim.
By way of conclusion, both views are supported and refuted by many. However, after analyzing these points of view, I personally believe that adverts should be considered as a valuable resource which is indeed providing important information to people.
Re: pls evaluate my essay!! Task 2 - advertising
check thesaurus for synonyms...so that you can learn...I would recommend you not to start write without learning any new things about essay writing, I usually write less, learn more , then writing becomes automatic.
I have given possible clean up and wordings to intro and conclusion in which I guess that worth of band 7
In the present age, advertising is an indispensable part of our life. Despite many parents argue that advertisements only provide information regarding to food and toys to children, advertising organizations believe that they are giving helpful information. These points of views will be discussed before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.
revised : Over the last decade, an advertising is becoming an indispensable part of everyday life of people. While some parents argue that the advertisements advise children only about food and toys, many companies believe that they are also giving useful information. This essay is an attempt to analyse both sides before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.
On the one hand, many parents are of the opinion that those adverts only provide limited information to children. For example, Toyrus’s advertisements simply promote their toys to kids for persuading them and their parents to consume it. They will not give customers any details about what the benefits can children obtain from playing with their toys. It is argued that adolescents will not been taught by those non-informative advertisements. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards that advertising is only showing children in food and toys.
On the other hand, many firms contend that they are giving useful information to the public. To take Hong Kong as an example, there are some advertisements to warn the citizens about the detrimental of taking drug. Thus, offspring can been educated by it and also the number of young drug takers is declining. After analyzing this point of view, it is clearly true that why many companies supports to this claim.
By way of conclusion, both views are supported and refuted by many. However, after analyzing these points of view, I personally believe that adverts should be considered as a valuable resource which is indeed providing important information to people
In conclusion, there are strong arguments on both sides. However, after analyzing, I believe that adverts should be considered as a valuable source because these ( pronoun of adverts, if you have used singular, then this) provide essential information to individuals. ( i avoided to use ' people')
Your word count just reached 250, but try give answers around 270 words, sometimes they may not count words repeated form question, in case if you don't like to take a chance)
I have given possible clean up and wordings to intro and conclusion in which I guess that worth of band 7
In the present age, advertising is an indispensable part of our life. Despite many parents argue that advertisements only provide information regarding to food and toys to children, advertising organizations believe that they are giving helpful information. These points of views will be discussed before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.
revised : Over the last decade, an advertising is becoming an indispensable part of everyday life of people. While some parents argue that the advertisements advise children only about food and toys, many companies believe that they are also giving useful information. This essay is an attempt to analyse both sides before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.
On the one hand, many parents are of the opinion that those adverts only provide limited information to children. For example, Toyrus’s advertisements simply promote their toys to kids for persuading them and their parents to consume it. They will not give customers any details about what the benefits can children obtain from playing with their toys. It is argued that adolescents will not been taught by those non-informative advertisements. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards that advertising is only showing children in food and toys.
On the other hand, many firms contend that they are giving useful information to the public. To take Hong Kong as an example, there are some advertisements to warn the citizens about the detrimental of taking drug. Thus, offspring can been educated by it and also the number of young drug takers is declining. After analyzing this point of view, it is clearly true that why many companies supports to this claim.
By way of conclusion, both views are supported and refuted by many. However, after analyzing these points of view, I personally believe that adverts should be considered as a valuable resource which is indeed providing important information to people
In conclusion, there are strong arguments on both sides. However, after analyzing, I believe that adverts should be considered as a valuable source because these ( pronoun of adverts, if you have used singular, then this) provide essential information to individuals. ( i avoided to use ' people')
Your word count just reached 250, but try give answers around 270 words, sometimes they may not count words repeated form question, in case if you don't like to take a chance)
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
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rairaichan0323
- Posts: 196
- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:03 am
Re: pls evaluate my essay!! Task 2 - advertising
thank you Durai, i have learnt a lot from you!! 