pls give me a band score for Task 2-resist making changes

[rairaichan0323]

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

With such a fast pace of life, the human society is progressing rapidly in various fronts. Some people refuse to make any alteration in their lives. It is argued that among the chief matters of this tendency, are becoming less competitive and creating alienation between each other. To tackle these issues, giving motivation and psychological consultant related suggestions will be analyzed for viability.

First of all, it is felt that giving people motivation to learn and adapt new challenges can help them to become more competitive people. Hence, it also can raise their awareness of the benefits of changes.To take Hong Kong as an example, government always provides some programs for their citizens in order to improve their employable skills and introduce new techniques to them. This makes it clear that it can assist them to maintain learning and enhance their adaptability for a new environment. As this shows, the effectiveness of this solution can be seen.

Secondly, in order to stem a sense of alienation between other people, it is suggested that consulting with a psychologist. The expertizer can help them to override their fears of changing and educate them how to integrate into the modern society. Thus, these kinds of helping can encourage them to interact with others. It is obvious from this that addressing their mental issues can be a very effective way to remove a barrier between each other as well as diminish their resistance of making changes.

In conclusion, I am convinced that it is clearly a problem of such complexity that no solution is likely in the short term. However, I believe that the measures outlined above would constitute a good first step.

[Flick]

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

With such a fast pace of life, human society is progressing rapidly on various fronts. However, some people refuse to make any alteration in their lives. It is argued that the main reasons for this tendency to resist change are to avoid competition and alienation with other humans. To tackle these issues, the motivation and psychology of resisting change will be discussed, and possible solutions will be analyzed for viability.

First of all, it is felt that giving people motivation to learn and adapt to new challenges can help them to become more competitive.(<-- Because you mentioned people at the start of the sentence, you don't need to mention them again at the end.) To take Hong Kong as an example, government always provides some programs for their citizens in order to improve their employable skills and introduce them to new techniques. This makes it clear that accepting change can assist them with their learning, and enhance their adaptability to a new environment. The effectiveness of this solution can be seen through China's rapid growth and technological innovations. (<-- You need to be clear as to what is being shown. In this case, the effectiveness of the Chinese government's educational programs.)

Secondly, in order to stem the sense of alienation between people, I recommend consulting with a psychologist. The expert can help override fears and provide education and advice on how to accept change and integrate into modern society. Thus, this simple solution can encourage healthy interaction with others. It is obvious from this that addressing mental barriers can be a very effective way to reduce resistance to change.

In conclusion, I am convinced that this is clearly a problem of such complexity that no easy solution is likely in the short term. However, I believe that the measures outlined above would constitute a good first step.

Hi rairaichan0323

Your use of the Chinese government example is very good. It makes your essay interesting to read and easy to relate to. It is important to stay on topic, though. Don't forget this essay is about resistance to change, so you need to explain how your points relate to change. Your conclusion was very good. Well done.

Thanks,
Flick

[durai]

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

Hi Rairachan,

You misunderstood the question completely, its about problems and solutions.

one para : what problems happen if people avoid changes in their lives.

if they never change it become monotonous life, that affects mental health, life would become boredom.

second pare : solutions

make them aware of progress in life happens only when they opt to alter various things .

ex\: change in job place make friends, basic pay increase

your cohesive devices should be appropriate to such kind of essay, you cannot use firstly , secondly. ( when I look thise words in your words, i straight came to conclusion that you are off topic.)

[rairaichan0323]

hi Durai,

i try to say the problems that they will have such as "they are becoming less competitive (problem 1 )and creating alienation between each other"( problem 2). according to these problems and then i provide some solutions to them.

do i have mistake??

one more question. i have to watch Ryan's video. i saw Ryan is using firstly in his essay ( cause and solution question). why it is not appropriate to use it?

thank you!

[durai]

I understand that you have provided a cause and solution in the same paragraph. its okay...but I would suggest explain one cause in first para and give solution in next para. ( only my suggestion )

this way the structure could be easy to understand, that's why when I read I felt convincing if you have used this pattern, so at this stage I am not sure about this essay.

[rairaichan0323]

thank you Durai,

so if it has 2 problems and 2 solutions of it.

so should i write one paragraph for 2 problems and write another parargraph for 2 solutions ? OR

one paragraph for problem 1 and solution 1 and write second paragrap for problem 2 and solution 2?

which way is it better?

thank you!!

[durai]

Hi Rairaichan,

What I would do is just take one problem in one paragraph and solution in following paragraph because I don't prefer to go for many ideas, just keep idea and explain in detail and that gives full response to task achievement.


Durai

[rairaichan0323]

thank you Durai for your advice