Topic: In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In modern society, it is argue that international fast foods are on the increase in many countries; even these kinds of foods have a tendency to replace traditional ones. Some people believe this impacts diversely to both families and societies. In my viewpoint, I completely agree with this idea for several reasons.
First of all, fast food causes detrimental effects for members in families. Obviously, using bread or GM food gradually is one of main factors leading to some dangerous diseases such as obesity or diabetes for both children and adults. Furthermore, this eating habit also decreases relationship among every member in one family. In a little more detail, if there are a meal consisting of traditional dishes prepared by the daughter and mother at home, all members might get together to enjoy it closely instead of going out and eating a KFC.
As a matter of fact, that more and more fast food is being used affects many aspects of societies. Actually, this trend gives rise to a burden in providing medical services for obesity and diabete patients. This is because the amount of patients increases following to the number of people using fast food. Moreover, as far as I am concerned, if international fast foods conquered too much and traditional ones disappeared, cultural values could not keep and develop.
In brief no matter how, fast foods can not replace traditional ones. Therefore, GM food should be used appropriately with the pace of life nowadays.
Please check for me in terms of band descriptions!
Which band i can get?
In modern society, it is argued that international fast food outlets are remove 'the' increasing in many countries; even these kinds of foods may replace traditional ones. Some people believe this impacts diversely to both families and societies. u didn't mention positive or negative, this would affect task response score In my view 'point ' not essential, I completely agree with this idea for several reasons. what idea?
First of all, fast food causes detrimental effects for members in families why narrow down to families, the task common for people. Obviously, using bread or GM avoid short forms food 'gradually' not required is one of main factors leading to some dangerous diseases such as obesity or diabetes for both children and adults. GM food is different from fast food, even you can have traditional food that is GM ( genetically modified), so I guess you had a wrong word choice, which lowers score significantly Furthermore, this eating habit also decreases relationship among every member in one family. In a little more detail, if there are a meal consisting of traditional dishes prepared by the daughter and mother at home, all members might get together to enjoy it closely instead of going out and eating a KFC. bit of unclear , use only one idea and expand
sample: First of all, fast food causes detrimental effects to people. One of the main drawbacks is that this food habit leads to unhealthy life style. This means individuals who consume pre-prepared meals or ready made food often diagnose with health problems such as diabetes, obesity or heart attacks. For example, in Australia, many studies proved that the rate of children being overweight are increasing with the fastest growing fast food restaurants. Thus, it clear that replacing traditional food with fast food is not beneficial to society.
As a matter of fact, that more and more fast food is affecting many aspects of societies. Actually, (spoken language) this trend gives rise to a burden in providing medical services for obesity and diabetes patients. This is because the amount of patients increases with the number of people using fast food. Moreover, as far as I am concerned, (informal tone, use academic language) if international fast foods conquered too much and traditional ones disappeared, cultural values could not keep and develop.
In brief no matter how, fast foods should not be replaced with traditional ones. Therefore, GM agian GM is different from Fast food food should be used appropriately with the pace of life nowadays.
first your essay is less than 250 words, so you may not receive more than band 6 for TR.
CC: grammatical and awkward sentences stops the flow of your essay. band 5
LR: GM , fast food different, many informal language, could be band 5
GR & A: not good structures, grammar errors is seen through out the essay: band 5
overall looks band 5 to 5.5, may reach 6 with proper word choices and less grammar errors.
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
