Topic of respect towards old people

[yhjsaber]

In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people.
What do you think may be the reasons for this?
What problems might this cause in society?

It is true that the contemporary world setting has resulted in less respect being shown to the elder. There are several factors contributing to this trend, which has various effects on our society.

The foremost reason for this trend is the ever intensifying competition in the modern society. Teenagers have to devote the bulk of their time to striving to secure a place at universities, while young adults are forced to work long hours by the determination of maintaining their competitiveness and employability. As a result, little time is left for the younger generation to spend with their elders, hindering them from developing authentic respect towards the old. In addition, the material driven world people are living in is making them put less value on the meaningful relationships between individuals. This in turn leads to the situation that older people receive less respect not only from their juniors but also from their same-aged counterparts.

The problems caused by this trend are twofold. Firstly, as people are less motivated to establish mutual respect with both their seniors and their cohorts, they are likely to develop a consciousness of insecurity, meaning that they cannot bestow their thorough trust upon others. Secondly, showing insufficient respect to older people implies that this group of people receives inadequate care, which can result in both psychological and physical problems that make them suffer. The consequence of this is that the health level of the general public would deteriorate, indicating that more financial resources are needed for medical care. As seen above, the sense of insecurity and the decreasing public health level deriving from insufficient mutual respect among people can have negative influences on people’s lives and the economic development of a society.

In conclusion, the busy modern lifestyles and people’s rising material needs are two main reasons for the shortage of respect towards aged people. If proper measures are not taken promptly, decreasing level of mutual respect among social members can cause more serious problems affecting the well-being of the public and the economic growth of a society.

[IndianHarry]

In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people.
What do you think may be the reasons for this?
What problems might this cause in society?

It is true that the contemporary world setting has resulted in less respect being shown towards the elders. There are several factors contributing to this trend, which have various effects on our society.

The foremost reason for this trend is the ever intensifying competition in the modern society. Teenagers have to devote the bulk of their time striving to secure a place at universities, while young adults are forced to work long hours to maintain their competitiveness and employment . As a result, little time is left for the younger generation to spend with their elders, hindering them from developing authentic respect towards the old. In addition, the materialistic world people are living in is making them not realize the value of the meaningful relationships between individuals. This in turn leads to older people receiving less respect not only from their juniors but also from their same-aged colleagues.

The problems caused by this trend are twofold. Firstly, as people are less motivated to establish mutual respect with both their seniors and their cohorts, they are likely to develop a consciousness of insecurity, meaning that they cannot bestow their thorough trust upon others. Secondly, showing insufficient respect to older people implies that this group of people receive inadequate care, which can result in both psychological and physical problems that make them suffer. The consequence of this is that the health level of the elderly would deteriorate, indicating that more financial resources are needed for medical care. As seen above, the sense of insecurity and the decreasing public health level resulting from insufficient mutual respect among people can have negative influences on people’s lives and the economic development of a society.

In conclusion, the busy modern lifestyles and people’s rising material needs are two main reasons for the shortage of respect towards aged people. If proper measures are not taken promptly, decreasing level of mutual respect among social members can cause more serious problems affecting the well-being of the public and the economic growth of a society.

My guess for Band is - 5.5-6

[yhjsaber]

Hi IndianHurry,

Thanks for your correction,

I do not know what criteria you used to give a band score like this. I believe I did not make noticeable grammatical mistakes in this essay and I answered the question clearly and logically with good lexical resources.
If the band mark you gave were true, I would not be able to score 7.5 in writing on my last test. Besides, I never gave band mark to other fellows unless I am hundred percent sure about what they really deserve.

I have taken IELSTS for 2 times and I have experienced my overall band score raising from 6.5 to 8. Having said that, I do not think that you assessed my essay in an appropriate manner. Sorry for arguing with you.

Kind Regards,
Carlen

[yhjsaber]

In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people.
What do you think may be the reasons for this?
What problems might this cause in society?

It is true that the contemporary world setting has resulted in less respect being shown towards the elders. There are several factors contributing to this trend, which have various effects on our society.

The foremost reason for this trend is the ever intensifying competition in the modern society. Teenagers have to devote the bulk of their time striving to secure a place at universities, while young adults are forced to work long hours to maintain their competitiveness and employment . As a result, little time is left for the younger generation to spend with their elders, hindering them from developing authentic respect towards the old. In addition, the materialistic world people are living in is making them not realize the value of the meaningful relationships between individuals. This in turn leads to older people receiving less respect not only from their juniors but also from their same-aged colleagues.

The problems caused by this trend are twofold. Firstly, as people are less motivated to establish mutual respect with both their seniors and their cohorts, they are likely to develop a consciousness of insecurity, meaning that they cannot bestow their thorough trust upon others. Secondly, showing insufficient respect to older people implies that this group of people receive inadequate care, which can result in both psychological and physical problems that make them suffer. The consequence of this is that the health level of the elderly would deteriorate, indicating that more financial resources are needed for medical care. As seen above, the sense of insecurity and the decreasing public health level resulting from insufficient mutual respect among people can have negative influences on people’s lives and the economic development of a society.

In conclusion, the busy modern lifestyles and people’s rising material needs are two main reasons for the shortage of respect towards aged people. If proper measures are not taken promptly, decreasing level of mutual respect among social members can cause more serious problems affecting the well-being of the public and the economic growth of a society.

My guess for Band is - 5.5-6

1.this trend is singular, that is why I used which has various effects. This trend has various effects on .....
2. devote someone's time to doing sth, you can check this in dictionaries:
I always devote my time to helping children with study rather than playing games.
3. The main purpose of working long hours is to main one's capability to work competently=maintain one's employability.
4.I do not see any problem with material-driven world and I always use materialistic to describe some greedy people: Being materialistic is one typical trait of some wealthy individuals.
5. people still place value on mutual respect, but the value is decreasing, not completely disappeared as you want to express here.
6. This in turn leads to the situation that older people receive less respect not only from their juniors but also from their same-aged counterparts. There is a sub-ordinate clause in this sentence, work more on your grammar you will find it correct.
7. I still prefer counterparts
8. " this group" of people, again "this group" is singular.
9. the increasing proportion of old people who suffer from illness would deteriorate the health level of the general public
10. resulting from = deriving from" I believe the happiness deriving from satisfying one's material needs in temporary in nature.

Hope I am making a persuasive argument here.