Please rate & asses this essay :Computer dependency

[chowdhurysubrata]

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business,hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?


Computer is one of the biggest invention in the mordern industry.Now a days it is used everywhere for example business, hospitals,crime detection etc.As per my opinion now a days we cannot survive without the help of the computer as this is best way to do any work in a better & quicker way & I do not think it is suspicious to use computer.I will try to give some benefits of the use computer in different area.
First of all in business now a days it is very much dependent on computer. For example I am woking in a IT company where I used to maintain the database for different Telecommunication client .First of all I feel if this industry does not use the computer s/w for there billing,revenue management,rating then it will be very hectic to manage the data of millions of customer.Apart from them they are benefitted by analyzing the old data & launch different kinds of price plan.Sencondly the data volume are increasing lots so to store & manage they need computer.
Secondly in hospital ,now a days the technologies is so much improved the major operations are done thru the internet using the computer technology. They can check the inventory of medicine and order the medicine, also they can allocate bed to patient by seeing the status of bed.
Last but not the least computer s/w is used to detect the way of the flights and give the direction to reach the required destination.Also computer s/w is used to detect the crime, weather etc.
To sum up I can say day by day people will be much more dependent of the computer and it will increase lots. In the 21st century people will use the computer technology and will fly to MARs and try to invent which is still unknown to us.

[durai]

hi,
same here

computer 12
used 4
now 4
days 4
use 4

use alternatives ....

[Flick]

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?


The computer was one of the biggest inventions in modern history. Nowadays, it is used everywhere, including businesses, hospitals, in crime detection, etc. In my opinion, we cannot survive in the modern world without the help of computers as this is the best way to do any work in a better & quicker way. I do not think we should be suspicious of the benefits of using a computer. I will try explain why below.

First of all, in today's business world, we are very much dependent on computers. For example, I am working in an IT company where I maintain the databases of several Telecommunication clients. I believe that, if this industry does not use computers for billing, revenue management, etc., then it will be very difficult to manage the data of millions of customers. On top of this, the company can benefit by using computers to analyze old data and launch different kinds of price plan. Secondly, data volume is increasing, so the need to store & manage this information requires computers.
Another example is hospitals.(<-- you used secondly in the paragraph above. Because this is a new example, you need to start counting points again.) Technology has improved so much that major operations can be done over the internet using computer technology. They can check and order drug . They can allocate beds to patients by seeing the status of bed without having to go and look at the bed.
Last but not the least, computers are being used to detect flightpaths of planes and give directions to reach the required destination. Also computer s/w is used to detect the crime, weather etc. You have added this sentence after stating the previous point is the last point. This is confusing and seems lazy.
To sum up, I that our dependence on computers is going to steadily increase. In the 21st century, people will use computer technology to fly to Mars and do many other things that areunknown to us today.

Hi chowdhurysubrata

This is a good start. I like that you talk about several different ways technology is being used. However, as durai noted, you use several phrases including 'now a days' too often. This makes it harder to read.
Also, don't use abbreviations like 's/w', 'thru', or '&'. This comes across as lazy and unprofessional.

Thanks,
Flick