Essay Task 2 : Increasing crime

[Guru]

In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

The world has been witnessing an ever increasing spate of crimes. Crimes are turning more and more gruesome and macabre. It is agreed that aggressive criminal incidents have been on the rise in many countries like India and China. We will analyse the reasons behind this sudden increase in wrongdoings resulting, at times in gory incidents of shock and terror.

Firstly, crime is a concomitant of widespread penury, a resultant of the wrong economic policies of governments leading to unequal distribution of wealth. For example, in India and China, the divide between the rich and the poor is ever widening due to lopsided economic policies, which result in lack of meaningful opportunities for youngsters. Eventually, the younger generation is goaded towards crime.

Secondly, people are losing their value system by getting swayed by a deluge of materialism. For instance, in India the incidence of crime is higher in cities with people motivated to get rich as compared to villages where people have a predilection for a simple life with high values. It is evident that a consistently degrading value system is a key reason to drive individuals to criminal tendencies.

After analyzing the reasons behind the growing criminal activities we can safely say that we need to stem the rot by taking drastic steps. It is hoped that people introspect and inculcate high morals and values in themselves and their children, because as they say that charity begins at home. It is recommended that governments should take all the measures to provide every citizen with equal opportunities of growth and development, thereby getting rid of this menace to society as quickly as possible.

[Guru]

Please critique my essay!

[durai]

Hi Guru,

You used some high level vocabulary, to be honest, I am not aware some of them.

But what I would say is your attempt to answer the question is not fulfilled , because you looked the causes of crime and give two supporting paragraphs.

But the solution are not explained in detail and therefore reduces your task response score.

for this your TR would be band 6 to 7. I am not sure about another areas because I am band 7 candidate.


hope some high level person probably look at it.

Good luck

[Guru]

Hi Guru,

You used some high level vocabulary, to be honest, I am not aware some of them.

But what I would say is your attempt to answer the question is not fulfilled , because you looked the causes of crime and give two supporting paragraphs.

But the solution are not explained in detail and therefore reduces your task response score.

for this your TR would be band 6 to 7. I am not sure about another areas because I am band 7 candidate.


hope some high level person probably look at it.

Good luck

Thanks Durai

I hope some native English speaker evaluates the essay!

[Guru]

Any gracious soul who can evaluate my essay!!!