Task 2 -- Intro.. Please help to improve

[vipin]

Qn : can technology replace teachers in the classroom? Argument essay

Introduction Paragraph

Today, the use of technology is widespread and this is evident in the fact that more of technology is now being used in the classrooms to teach kids. It is argued that technology will replace teachers in the future however, it is disagreed that a machine can replace the role of humans in the classroom and this will be proven by analyzing the facts on how teachers work with kids to teach and discipline them.

[Flick]

Qn : can technology replace teachers in the classroom? Argument essay

Introduction Paragraph

Today, the use of technology is widespread and this is evident in the fact that more technology is being used in the classrooms to teach students everyday. It is argued that technology will replace teachers in the future. However, it is not thought (<-- not thought by whom? Society in general? Teachers themselves?) that a machine can replace humans in the classroom and this will be proven by analyzing how teachers interact with children to teach and discipline them.

This is a good introduction. You note how prevalent technology is becoming then mention both sides of the argument. Clear and concise. Well done.

[Raj]

Hi Flick,

I have written following introduction can you please look.
Look forward for your comment.
Thanks heaps.

'Nowadays, technology is widely used in the classroom. It can broaden the knowledge, expands minds and provides comprehensive information on any subject. However, technology is not the panacea for everything and larger influx of it requires greater human interaction, which only a human teacher can ensure. This will be proven after analysing teachers’ role as facilitators and motivators.'

[Flick]

'Nowadays, technology is widely used in the classroom.(<-- Can you provide more detail here? For example, '...widely used in the classroom to both teach and entertain.' Just a little bit more information to help back up your statement that it is widely used.) It can broaden knowledge, expand minds and provide comprehensive information on any subject. However, technology is not the panacea (<-- great word!) for everything, and the sudden influx of technology requires greater human supervision, (<-- I think you should say supervision here because the teacher is interacting with students, but controlling the technology.) which only a human teacher can ensure. This will be proven after analysing teachers’ role as facilitators and motivators.'

Great start, Raj.
Can't wait to see the rest of your essay!

Flick

[Raj]

Hi Flick,
Please have a look.
Thanks heaps.

Nowadays, technology is widely used in the classroom and both student and academia heavily rely on this. Technology can broaden knowledge, expand minds and provide comprehensive information on any subject. However, technology is not the panacea for everything, and sudden influx of technology requires greater human intervention, which only a human teacher can ensure. This will be proven after analysing teachers’ role as facilitators and motivators.

Admittedly, technology is not the lesson, it is used to enhance the lesson. This is a device in the hand of preceptor, who use it to provide specialised and quality education. In a class with a Pascal device for everyone can bring great opportunities, however, such abundance of technology is not a universal solution. In such situations, there is an urgent need of a guide. Teacher being an early adopter of technology can learn and understand it also figure out what is most appropriate for a student.

Teachers will not go anywhere; they will stay for ever as they influence students, pursue them positively and alter their trajectories in the right direction. Students need the help of a teacher during difficult times. Especially when the chips are down, teacher tugs a student, pushes and leads him to the next level. On the contrary, as gizmos and gadgets lack human interaction, these products unable to encourage students. These machines can only be tools in the hands of a counselor, they cannot take their roles.

To sum up, certainly teachers play an important role in the classroom and it is not possible for a robotic teacher to replace human teacher from the classroom. Having said that, in coming time computer will be a valuable asset in the hands of teachers and they will use computers immensely in the classroom.

[Flick]

Hi Flick,
Please have a look.
Thanks heaps.

Nowadays, technology is widely used in the classroom and both students and academia heavily rely on this.(<-- Great! Much better than my suggestion.) Technology can broaden knowledge, expand minds and provide comprehensive information on any subject. However, technology is not the panacea for everything, and sudden influx of technology requires greater human intervention, which only a human teacher can ensure. This will be proven after analysing teachers’ role as facilitators and motivators.

Admittedly, technology is not the lesson, it is used to enhance the lesson. (<-- This is really well written.) It is a device in the hands of the teacher (<-- 'preceptor' is a very old-fashioned word, rarely used.), who use it to provide specialised and quality education. for example, a class with a Pascal device for everyone can provide greater learning opportunities and a better understanding of the subject material. However, such abundance of technology is not a universal solution. In some situations, there is an urgent need of guidance. A teacher, being an early adopter of technology, can learn and understand it then figure out what is most appropriate for a student.

Teachers are not going anywhere; they will stay forever as they influence students, encourage their dreams and alter their trajectories in the right direction. Students need the help of a teacher during difficult times. Especially when the chips are down, a teacher will guide a student, push and lead him to the next level. On the contrary, as gizmos and gadgets lack human interaction, these products are unable to encourage students. These machines can only be tools in the hands of a counselor, they cannot take over their roles.

To sum up, certainly teachers play an important role in the classroom and it is not possible for a robotic teacher to replace a human teacher in the classroom. Having said that, in coming times, computers will be a valuable asset in the hands of teachers and they will use computers frequently in the classroom.

Great job, Raj. You took my suggestions and improved on them. The way you describe a teacher's role is clear and uplifting. Your opinion is well argued and easy to understand. Well done!

Flick