Please review my task 1 letter writing

[mahendran]

Task 1
Question:
You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter,
• Explain why you want to take time off work.
• Give details of the amount of time you need.
• Suggest how your work could be covered while you are away.
Answer:
Dear Sir,
I am Mahendran from fixture design team. I would like to go to my native place that I have some problems over there. As I already said, my grandparents are died due to illness and aged. So I need to sell my property with reasonable rate. My properties are six and half acre farm land, ten cents of traditional house with three cows. In addition, some servants work in our farm land that I need to pay attention on those servants.
By solving these issues, I need to take around ten days leave with your approval. If you approve my leave, I will complete my work and I will have returned. For your information, may be the work will take another two days. So it would be better to take leave twelve days. Another two days are only buffer for finishing my work effectively. If allotted job finish in earlier that I would come to office as early as possible.
Actually I asked our customer to give the schedule for upcoming ten days. They send me the report through online mail. One of my team mate name is karmegam.He will take care of my upcoming schedule that he postponed his research and development work. Also he will take care of my roles and responsibilities and he will do the further proceedings. Kindly accept my leave and as soon as I complete my work, I will present in office.
Thanking you,
Yours truly
(Mahendran)

[durai]

Dear Sir, you may know who is your manager, so write his name" Dear Mr.Arun

I am Mahendran its inappropriate to tell your name to your manager because he knows about you from fixture design team. not a good start) I would like to go to my native placebecause I have some unforeseen problems . reason is fine, but wordings are not good enoughAs you know , my grandparents were ill and passed away last month.. So I need to sell my property with reasonable rate. My properties are six and half acres farm land, ten cents " cents could be different meaning , just check it, don't convert straight from your mother language of traditional house with three cows. In addition, some servants work in our farm land that I need to pay attention on those servants. you are asking leave for sometime and you are giving your whole story of personal life
To solve these issues, I need to take around ten days leave but I will complete my work and I will have returned last bit is grammatically wrong, and basic error in sentence formation, you can expect more than band 5 for grammar part if you make such mistake . For your information, may be the work will take another two days. So it would be better to take leave twelve days. I don't understand why you ask extension in the same letter, you suppose to decide before starting the letter, 10 days or 12 days, don't try to fill with words that doesn't convey any information Another two days are only buffer for finishing my work effectively. If allotted job finish in earlier that I would come to office as early as possible. unclear sentences and all of them are with basic mistakes
Actually I asked our customer to give the schedule for upcoming ten days. They send me the report through online mail nothing word exist " online mail" it should "email" "through email" is much better, online is through internet, "mail" means " post mail' not an email. . One of my team mates name is Karmegam. He will take care of my work , so he postponed his research and development works for later date.. Also he will take care of my roles and responsibilities and he will do the further proceedings. Kindly accept my leave and as soon as I complete my work, I will present in office.

basically, you need to go through many letters and keep practicing

Thanking you, not essential
Yours truly
(Mahendran)

very weak control of grammar, wordings are not good enough, senetcnes are tough to undersatnd, coherence is lost completely

looks band 5 .