IELTS Essay - Please check this and rate it.

[IndianHarry]

Now that I have written it, I think I misunderstood the question a little bit. Anyways, please rate this and give suggestions to improve.

An increasing number of people changed their career and place of residence several times in their life. Do you think it is a positive or negative development ?


Change is a fact of life. And more often than not, it is instigated by negativity. Change is usually a response to some form of negativity that we seek to distance ourselves from. Thinking on the same lines it would seem obvious that people changing their careers and places of residence frequently would have at its root something unfavorable. But is it really so? Let us take a closer look at this phenomenon and see if it really is a worrying trend or not.

As times have progressed , we humans have become increasingly open to changing professions. Unlike the ancient times where you were supposed to do what your father and forefathers did, we are in an era where one's profession is not bound to one's social origins. Everyone is free to pursue any career path that they choose. In such an era of freedom it should not ring any bell to see people hopping from one profession to another. But if there has been a strong spike in the trend then it begs a little attention. What such a spike possibly points to is an increasing dissatisfaction in work environments. This dissatisfaction may arise from the employee's own rising expectation or from some rapidly increasing negative factors. A middle path needs to be created whichever of the two cases it is.

The issue is one that requires proper study and scrutiny to pinpoint the exact reasons of this trend. Until then anything would be mere speculation and may not contribute well towards solving it. That is if its a negative one in the first place. Perhaps we need just a little more time to understand where this trend has come from and heading to.

End

Btw anyone wanting to voice chat on Skype. Here is my id : harry.5abi
I am aiming for 8 bands and it would be good to have a partner with a similar goal.

[IndianHarry]

C'mon Guys. Been waiting to hear from you for so long.

[Flick]

An increasing number of people changed their career and place of residence several times in their life. Do you think it is a positive or negative development ?


Change is a fact of life. And more often than not, it is instigated by negativity. Change is usually a response to some form of negativity that we seek to distance ourselves from. Thinking on these lines, it would seem obvious that the reason for people changing their careers and places of residence frequently would have, at its root, something unfavorable. But is it really so? Let us take a closer look at this phenomenon and see if it really is a worrying trend or not.

As times have progressed , we humans have become increasingly open to changing professions. Unlike in ancient times where you were supposed to do what your father and forefathers did, we are in an era where one's profession is not bound to one's social origins. Everyone is free to pursue any career path that they choose. In such an era of freedom it should not surprise us to see people hopping from one profession to another. But if there has been a strong spike in the trend then it begs a little attention. What such a spike possibly points to is an increasing dissatisfaction in work environments. This dissatisfaction may arise from the employee's own rising expectation or from some rapidly increasing negative factors. A middle ground needs to be found for both of these cases.

The issue is one that requires proper study and scrutiny to pinpoint the exact reasons for this trend. Until then, anything would be mere speculation and may not contribute well towards solving it. Assuming there is a negative reason for this trendin the first place. Perhaps we need just a little more time to understand where this trend has come from and where it is heading to.

End

Hi Harry,

This is a really well written essay. Unfortunately, I think you are right: you have misunderstood the original question. It was asking if it is good or bad for people to change their careers.
I would suggest discussing possible reasons for people wanting to change (which you did), then discussing the pros and cons of a career change, both for the person and for society. Finally, adding your own opinion in the conclusion would close the essay off nicely.

Keep up the good work!
Flick

[IndianHarry]

Thanks a Bunch Buddy. Had almost lost hope someone would help. I'll work on your suggestions.

[IndianHarry]

The good thing is I understand all the mistakes.

[IndianHarry]

Can you make a guess of the band score this one will get, Flick? I'd appreciate that so much.

[Flick]

Hi Harry,

I would rate this essay around band 8 - your writing is excellent.
Due to misunderstanding the original question, it may drop to band 7, but you are doing a great job!

Flick

[IndianHarry]

Hi Harry,

I would rate this essay around band 8 - your writing is excellent.
Due to misunderstanding the original question, it may drop to band 7, but you are doing a great job!

Flick

That Is pretty encouraging considering that I know I can do better. Thanks

[Ryan]

Hi Harry,

I second Flick's assessment. I think you are a talented writer, but the tone and direction of the essay are off.

The overly personal tone (i.e. "we humans", "ancient times where you were supposed to do what your father...") does not work well in academic writing. It makes your essay read as though it is a letter to a friend.

Remember that flowery language will not make up for a lack of raw logic. In this essay, I see you dancing around a range of topics, but you share few concrete examples and the conclusions you draw in your supporting paragraph are not tied tightly to the central theme of the essay. To me, your essay looks like this:

Paragraph 1: No position is taken.

Paragraph 2: Nothing specific is declared. Little evidence is shared. A timid conclusion is drawn.

Paragraph 3: Still no position is taken.

I understand and respect that you feel more time is needed to draw a conclusion, but the fact that you base this middle ground position on very little tangible evidence makes the entire conclusion feel like a bit of a cop out.

My advice is to avoid straddling any IELTS essay question. I know this may go against your true feelings on the subject, but declaring a crystal clear support/refute position on the essay topic (i.e. 100% support for position A or 100% support for position B) and upholding it with true to life, tangible examples will be considered a much fuller answer than the sort of response you have produced above.

My guess would be band 7.

Good luck,
Ryan

[CindyBang]

Hi all,

I find this topic is very interesting, so I would like to give it a try. I understand we should state clearly what position on the topic but i couldn't find any 100% persuasive reason for either side, so did it as a discussion essay.

Please give me your opinion on my writing. Thank you very much .

An increasing number of people changed their career and place of residence several times in their life. Do you think it is a positive or negative development ?

Changing career or place of residence is sometime an unavoidable issue in life. However shifting from a job to another or moving from place to place is viewed as a negative development by some. Whether these changes are positive or negative development, in many ways, this is a difficult question to answer because it depends on the people in question, where they live, what they do and what age they are. The essay will analyse the impacts of these instabilities may bring to society and individuals themselves.

Looking first at the society perspective, the impatientness or continuously changing one’s mind will potentially influence the development for a community. As it has been seen, the reduction in number of experts and specialists in various professions is occurred due to the shifting in career of the graduates. The lacking of perpetuity results less successful stories and findings in recent years. Thus, this is obviously a negative impact.

On the contrary, with a right amount of changing, people will evolve as they are gaining extra experience and obtaining variety skills to enhance their life and occupation, thus become more advantageous. Moving to another country is a good example to illustrate this belief, an individual is able to learn the difference in communication, lifestyle and culture compared to their own origin. The transition will be an enhancement for their current position or an encouragement to an actual interest in their occupation or lifelong stability. As a result, it is a positive development for some.

In brief, changing in career and moving place has negative and positive impacts toward community and individuals. Nevertheless, I believe it is necessary for personal and professional developments and consequently effect the improvement of the society in a foreseeable future.

[IndianHarry]

Thank you so much Ryan!

[candy07]

Hi
I am posting a reply for this essay
Please grade and correct it

Change is an inevitable part of life . To excel in their lives, many people now a days change their careers and places of residence . It is agreed that changing careers is a positive development for an individual as well as for the society .This argument will be proven by looking at how changing careers can help an individual to become financially secure and to explore his own potential in different arenas .
It is felt by many that changing careers ensures financial security because people shift their careers to earn better salaries . For example , in India , it is observed that many engineers switch their careers to banking and finance and then to management , because of huge salaries in these sectors .Thus it clearly shows that people change their careers to earn monetary benefits . Therefore changing careers during life is considered as a positive development.
In addition to this, changing careers offers an individual to explore his potential in different sectors . There have been many people who have excelled in various fields unrelated to their area of expertise. Take example of famous Indian cricketer Navjot Singh Sidhu . He switched careers from becoming a cricketer, commentator ,coach and a politician .He has been successful in almost all the fields . From this example it is clear that working in different sectors gives an opportunity to take risks and explore other areas. This makes life more interesting and enjoyable . Thus , it can be seen that changing careers has a good influence on the overall development of an individual.
Conclusively it can be said that the benefits of changing careers are manifold. It leads to better financial status as well as an individual gets a chance to try his luck in other careers. Thus it is believed that in the coming time more and more people will change their careers leading to more fulfilling lives.

[Flick]

An increasing number of people changed their career and place of residence several times in their life. Do you think it is a positive or negative development ?

Changing career or place of residence is sometimes an unavoidable issue in life. However, shifting from one job to another or moving from place to place is viewed as a negative development by some. Whether these changes are positive or negative, in many ways, this is a difficult question to answer because it depends on the people in question, where they live, what they do and what age they are. This essay will analyse the impacts these instabilities may bring to society and individuals themselves.

Looking first at the society perspective, impatience or continuously changing one’s mind will potentially influence the development for a community.(<-- Can you be more specific? How does it influence the development of a community?) A reduction in the number of experts and specialists in various professions has decreased in recent years due to the shifting in career of graduates. This lack of commitment results in fewer successful gradualtes, according to findings in recent years. This is obviously a negative impact.

However, with the right amount of change, people will evolve as they gain extra experience and obtain a variety of skills to enhance their life and occupation, thus gaining more advantages for future opportunities. Moving to another country is a good example to illustrate this belief. An individual is able to learn the difference in communication, lifestyle and culture compared to their own country. The transition will be an enhancement for their current position or a new experience that relates to an actual interest in their occupation or lifelong stability. As a result, it is a positive development for some.

In brief, changing career and moving place has both negative and positive impacts towards the community and individual. Nevertheless, I believe it is necessary for personal and professional development, and that this trend will effect the improvement of society in the foreseeable future.

Hi CindyBang,

This is an interesting topic and you approach it well. Good job!