Please rate my essay. please. .....Just following and watchi

[Bhanushakya]

( Did I answer every part of question )
Some people feel that the responsibility for providing education should be borne only for the government and the private education should be banned. What are the main advantages of banning private education? Are there any circumstances where private education should be allowed? What is your opinion on this matter?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Argumentative but there are other point to be discussed.
Such as: Are there any circumstances where private education should be allowed?
Advantages of Banning private education?
Take a stand
Here is a sample answer which is discussion essay type. I am trying this by analysing both sides of argument; then I had an opinion summing up my discussion. Please check this essay and score it .pls..

Sample answer:
Whether or not education is a responsibility, which is only government should deal with and private education should be banned arouses some controversy. There is however, clearly a need for government to focus education within a reach for every group in the society. However, private institution’s involvement in this sector should be under strict government regulation. The both views of arguments will be discussed and analysed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.
The primary argument for the opposite group is that education is not a privilege for only a group of people. For instance, poor citizen can’t afford the cost to study Harvard University or Oxford University or Australian National University, even if student is exceptionally outstanding in his studies; whereas any one from any nation with enough fund are able to take the course from those top universities. From this point of view, education can be a picture of discrimination between the rich and the poor people. Hence, poor family gets deprived from getting higher education.
On the other hand, looking at the issue from another prospect highlights some points. Undoubtedly the quality of education is quite wide in every society. Also, it is very likely that parents are not able to find a suitable school for offspring. As a result they could be urged to look for private education. Furthermore, it is completely natural for parents to be concerned about their children’s classmate friends and even teacher. Consequently, they strive to select the best environment and best people for their children’s environment. Therefore, private organisations should be allowed to run education programs.
To sum up, after the analysis of government and private contribution on education sector, there should be balance between both types of education. However, it must be ensured that government should supervise these organisations.

Last point:::::
Just following and watching youtube videos by Ryan Higgins, I got 6.5 overall a year before with each band 6.5. I had been able to get the score on first attempt for my Graduate Temporary visa which was Band 6 on each module. Now, my target is getting 7 on each module.


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