Please rate my essay by comparing with band 9.

[masimshehzad]

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness in spite of greater responsibilities.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Comparing the happiness of teenage life with that of adult life have been a favorite discussion topic since the beginning of the human kind. The discussion gets very interesting when the responsibilities are also added as an important comparison element. It is argued that adult life carry more happiness level than teenage life. Arguing the enhanced corporate and social life as well associated responsibilities will prove this argument.
Firstly, the adult life has an extended corporate life and hence the communication lines are much enhanced as compared to the social interactions of the teenage life. This, in turn brings more happiness. It is a well acknowledged fact that the higher number of corporate connections brings higher level of happiness. A report issued by The New York times in 1999 clearly demonstrated that people with greater number of corporate circles have happier life. A person who interacts with large number of people has higher prospects to crystallize his plans which in turn make him happier and less frustrating comparatively. Contrary to adult life, a teenage life receives no corporate connections virtually. Thus the higher prospects of happiness in adult life can be seen.
Secondly, the person with higher social circle have more shared social activities which in turn give a highest contribution to his happiness level. It is well accepted fact that people who interacts with a large social circle to share their favorite discussion topics as well as to play their favorite sports activities receive more happiness in return. A report published by the The World Economic Forum in 2000 statistically proved that people with higher social circle have more peaceful life. Logically, a person who shares happiness with a large number of people, receives better happiness in return. Enhanced social life is driven from life partner, children and a great number of professional friends which a teenager rarely possess. Thus, it can be easily seen that the adult person receive a higher level of happiness.
Comparing the social life and corporate life of an adult with a teenager have proved that adults enjoy higher level of happiness. Thus it is recommended to bring our teenagers more closer to corporate and social life by delegating relevant responsibilities so that they could also enjoy the higher level of happiness.

[saqibali]

Poor

[durai]

Hi,


Your task is incomplete. You suppose to discuss both adult and teenage life before you give your opinion.

So, lets rewrite by discussing both sides and post it here, if I assess this now you cannot score more than band 6 even if your essay is flawless.


so, write again and post here.

Durai