task 1 letter < accomodation>

[durai]

You are being sent on a one month work assignment in California. You need a place to stay while you are there. Write a letter to the Maury Samson Real Estate Agency. In your letter:
Explain the situation
Describe the kind of accommodation you would like
Provide the dates you will need it

Dear Sir or madam,

My name is Durai, and I am writing to request you to find some good accommodation for my stay in California. Please allow me to elaborate.

As a part of my contract, I have one month on-site project work in California, and as a result I am looking for a short term accommodation with competitive price and with excellent facilities.

I would like to have 2 bedroom fully-furnished apartment or townhouse with two separate bathrooms. Because I may have some client meeting in the house, so additional amenities such as internet and telephone would be highly appreciated. Also, I prefer easy proximity to my office located at 24 Gisborne Avenue from my house.

I intend to stay for at least 35 days from 29th June to 4th August. All expenses will be paid by my company so please forward all bills and receipts to Aldi Innovations, PO 234, Springvale, Australia 3171.

Please inform me about the arrangements at the earliest.

Yours faithfully,
Durai

[allen_zhang]

HI Durai,
A few comments:

Dear Sir or madam,

My name is Durai, and I am writing to request you to find some good accommodation for my stay in California. Please allow me to elaborate.

As a part of my contract, I have a one month on-site project workremove "work" in California, and as a result I am looking for a short term accommodation with competitive price and with excellent facilities.
As I learned from some teacher, short sentences are preferred in letters. So, it will be better to write two sentences:
I have ....in California. I am now looking for...

I would like to have 2 bedroom fully-furnished apartment or townhouse with two separate bathrooms. Because I may have some client meetings in the house, so I would remove "so"additional amenities such as internet and telephone would be highly appreciated. Also, I prefer easy proximity to my office located at 24 Gisborne Avenue from my house.
I would say: within 10 minutes by walk to Gisborne Avenue is preferred, but within 30 minutes is acceptable.

I intend to stay for at least 35 days from 29th June to 4th August. All expenses will be paid by my company so please forward all bills and receipts to Aldi Innovations, PO 234, Springvale, Australia 3171.

Please inform me about the arrangements at the earliest.

Yours faithfully,
Durai

I just found something interesting: California is a state in the US, right? So, which city?

[durai]

Allen,

Really, California, a state?

To be honest, I though it is a city, anyway, I will use a known city in my letter at test conditions.

I know short sentences are good, but if we want to good score in Grammar, a complex pattern is required.
What do you think about this?


Durai

[allen_zhang]

Hi Durai,
Regarding complicate sentences, my understanding is that it is not recommended in letters.
Anyway, try to read it after you write it. If it sounds natural, it is a good sentence. This is what I think.

Best regards,
Allen