General IELTS Writing Bangalore - 12th Oct 2013

[Anilnag]

Letter
Though you love your job, you wanted to leave the job that you are working currently. Write a letter to your manager stating
-Why you wanted to leave the job
-What you have learned from the company
..............

Essay
Some people argue that music has no value in the children’s development in the schools rather they can be concentrated more on the subjects such as science and computers.

Do you agree or disagree?

[Ryan]

Hi Anilnag,

Thanks very much for sharing the questions you faced. That Task 2 question has been seen before. The wording was a little different, but the idea was the same.

[Anilnag]

Hi Ryan,
Below is the essay that I had written in the exam. Could you please provide your inputs on the band and the improvements.

Music has been playing a vital role in everyone’s life since the dawn of time. It is the key especially in a child’s development. Although, some people argue that music adds nothing in a child’s development rather they should concentrate more on the regular subjects in schools, I believe that any art has a significant role in children’s development and music has no exception to it. This essay describes how learning music is the key in cultivating discipline and relaxation techniques in a child’s development.
Let us analyze first at discipline perspective, for some children who learn music with the gift of the gab but for others they have to practice continuously. To illustrate this in a real life scenario, the instructor has to first teach these children on punctuality, rhythm and how to practice regularly. Further, children also practice these techniques as part of their routine life. This epitome clearly states that children who attend music classes learn discipline by default. Thus, it is obvious that discipline is part of their lifestyle.
In addition to the above, relaxation techniques can be learned by the pupil who regularly attend the music classes. As an example, a child who sings a song in a group has to learn how to co-ordinate with others, control the voice and sync with peers. This can only be learnt by practicing the tips such as meditation and other relaxation techniques. Therefore, this clearly states why many people gravitate towards teaching music to the children in schools.
To put it in a nutshell, music classes have to be mandated in the schools as part of the regular curriculum. Most of the people believe that this is a key in children’s development. It is presumed that our begets will support the same in future.

[dance]

Very good writing Anil, I am sure you will get a very convincing score in Writing.

[yash567blr]

Hi Anil,

Your writing is very good. Can u pls help me improving my writing/speaking skills ?
I need to score 7+ in all modules.
Had taken this exam once and had scored 6.5 in both writing and speaking!
my id: skype: yashwanthyadav1
gmail: yashavanth.yadav@gmail.com

Regards,

[yash567blr]

Wanted the some expert's comments on my letter:
targeting 7+ band
>>>>


Dear Mr.John,

I am writing this letter to inform you that I have put my papers and 30th October, 2013 is my last working day.
I would like to thank you for all your support and help in my difficult times.

As you know, I have been associated with this company since last six years and have developed an emotional bonding with the organization.
Its very difficult to leave the oranization which love and adore. But, I am leaving the company to explore new opportunities and challenges outside my comfort zone.

I have throughly enjoyed my tenure here and working with your team has made me a better person in both professional and personal way.
Your support and encouragement in allowing me to learn different technologies will certainly help me.
I had the privilage to work with different teams, which helped in improving my inter personal skills and learning the whole software development life cycle.
Your encouragement, morales and good nature have always been a motivation to me.

Your Sincerely,
Yashwanth Yadav

>>>>

[Anilnag]

Hi Yashwanth,
Please find my comments on your letter writing. This is as per my knowledge and I might be wrong in certain cases as I am not expert in correcting. This is just a disclaimer

Dear Mr.John,

I am writing this letter to inform you that I have put my papers and 30th October, 2013 (British English) is my last working day.
I would like to thank you for all your support and help in my difficult times.

As you know, I have been associated with this company since last six years (when since is used you need to mention the point of time not the period of time. For example since 2007 or for six year) and have developed an emotional bonding with the organization.
Its (It’s or It is – Its is not correct.) very difficult to leave the organization (organization is American English – follow either British or American English, better avoid mixing both) which love and adore (this sentence formation might have been improved). But, I am leaving the company to explore new opportunities and challenges outside my comfort zone.

I have thoroughly (spelling mistake) enjoyed my tenure here and working with your team has made me a better person in both professional and personal way.
Your support and encouragement in allowing me to learn different technologies will certainly help me.
I had the privilage (spelling mistake) to work with different teams, which helped in improving my inter personal (this is a single word) skills and learning the whole software development life cycle.
Your encouragement, morales (spelling mistake) and good nature have always been a motivation to me.

Your Sincerely,
Yashwanth Yadav

[yash567blr]

Hi Anilnag,

What band score can I get with this letter ?