Please criticize my letter

[saqibali]

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. You find it very difficult to work there because he or she always has friends visiting. They have parties in the room and sometimes borrow your things without asking you.

Write a letter to the Accommodation Officer at the college and ask for a new room next term. You would prefer a single room. Explain your reasons.


Dear Accommodation Officer(Asad),

I am writing to request you another single room, next semester. Please allow me to elaborate on why I would like you to provide me with this facility.

My accommodation in this shared room turns out to be a worst negative effect on my studies. Although my room mate is one of the best students as well as an excellent friend but you have to acknowledge that each personality has different life style and each student needs different conditions to perform well. Unfortunately, my room mate has a totally different life style. Since he himself is never disturbed by any type of noise so he has no care for my study timing when he arranged parties in room. In addition to this, he always has a never ending visit of friends. My roommate as well as his visiting friends always use my personal belongings without any prior permission which in turn make me much tensed as I am much possessive about my personal things.

In order to solve this problem, I tried to switch my room with another room mate. For this purpose, I checked life style of each person in my hostel and unfortunately, none of them in compatible with my sensitive life style. In addition to this, my focus is much prone to any disturbance which is my main concern.

to help me find an appropriate and peaceful place, I would request you to provide me with another single accommodation understand that this is quite difficult to do in small time, particularly in this term so my request could be put in line for the next term.

Waiting your affirmative reply,

[durai]

hi, again...too much words...around 270 ( size of task 2), would be able to write 270 + 430= 700 words in 60 minutes.
even if you write it may not do good for you...

anyway,

starting and ending are inappropriate for the task...

start with
Dear Sir or Madam,

finish with,

Yours faithfully,

[saqibali]

Thanks a lot.
Would you kindly help with grammer mistakes(simply point) and mark with a band?
Thanks in advance

[Flick]

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. You find it very difficult to work there because he or she always has friends visiting. They have parties in the room and sometimes borrow your things without asking you.

Write a letter to the Accommodation Officer at the college and ask for a new room next term. You would prefer a single room. Explain your reasons.


Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to request a new room next semester. Please allow me to elaborate on why I would like to move.

My current accommodation in this shared room has had a negative effect on my studies. Although my room mate is one of the best students as well as an excellent friend but you have to acknowledge that each personality has different life style and each student needs different conditions to perform well. (<-- Delete this sentence as it does not have an impact on your request.) Unfortunately, my room mate has a totally different life style to me, which makes living with him very difficult. Since he, himself, is never disturbed by any type of noise, he has no consideration for my study and has frequently arranged parties in our room. In addition to this, he constantly has guests visit, and they always use my personal belongings without any prior permission which I find rude and inconvenient.

In order to solve this problem, I tried to switch my room with another room mate. For this purpose, I checked the life style of each person in my hostel and unfortunately, none of them are compatible with my life style. In addition to this, my focus is prone to any disturbance which is my main concern.

To help me find an appropriate and peaceful place to study and relax, I would like to move to a single room. I understand that this is quite difficult to do with short notice, which is why my request is for next semester.

Waiting your reply,

[saqibali]

Anyone who can
Spot the grammer mistakes?
Challenge my task achievement?
Challenge my Understanding?
Suggest better variety of words and phrases?
Suggest better cohesion?
Suggest better sentences and words?