Please provide feedback for task 2 essay

[johnsky]

In the past, many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing.

Why do you think this change is happening ? How far is this situation true in your country?

Globalization has changed every corner of the globe, a country's tradition, culture and society is no longer the same. People who have household skills no longer need to use it. Young generations do not want to learn or value those skills.

Across continents, in every society people are loosing their culture and traditions, it is estimated more than a thousand languages will be extinct within a year. This is due to only one reason, globalization; in this modern age people need to speak and communicate only a few languages, learn certain skills to earn a living, there is hardly any time left for people to stop and think about their own culture. The local economy of any city is directly affected by the global economy. People who had traditional jobs are no longer able to work, as they need to get different skills to compete in the new workplace.

Another major aspect of society is the involvement of women in the economy, women these days need to work to support themselves and their family. Women in the early days had skills such as making clothes, making tools, and cooking. Men also had to learn hunting, make hunting weapons and other important skills. Nowadays, both genders have to spend most of the time to earn a living. As both parents are busy, the young generation don't learn any of the household work from their parents.

Child are more tuned to technological changes; with an industry that caters to children for entertainment, most children consume their time by watching tv, computer, and playing video games. This behavior can be seen in most countries, including mine, where lack of proper parental guidance, combined with cultural and societal changes prevents children as well as adults to learn important household work.

Many of the skills people learned from growing up, will no longer be passed down to the next generation. Globalization as well as women empowerment will see many society's tradition extinct within a shot period.

[Somnil]

Your essay seems to be pretty good. However, I feel some sentences could have been broken down into two, instead of joining it with a comma. Grammar is in control, except in certain cases. Some fine tuning should fetch you a 7 band

[Somnil]

Thanks a ton for the feedback. I will post some more in days to come. Do review and share your comments.