Please evaluate my task2 essay, exam on 26 oct

[Hiren]

Some say that it is more important for employers to consider academic qualifications rather than personal life experience and values when hiring an employee. Do you agree or disagree? What are positive and negative aspects of the issue?



In modern era, a confident, smart and expert employee is the backbone of a successful organisation. Considering the competition in market, employers put emphasis on selecting competent individual for any position as it is a long term investment for them. I agree with the employers who give more importance to highly qualified individuals rather than candidate with more personal life experience because highly qualified individual has mostly experienced both sides of a coin called life.

Firstly, it is very easy and quick to train an individual graduated from a well-known university as his passing scores reflect his intelligence and ability. In addition to that, university education also includes some practical lessons in classroom or as vocational training in company which gives experience to a student about the real life. A successfully qualified student knows moral value of honesty and time management very well. For instance, study in medicine includes clinical training in hospital and a student needs to follow strict timetable to complete the course with excellent grades. So, it is always best to select a qualified medical professional in hospital as he has all qualities of hard work, time management, honesty and humanity.

Although a person with more personal life experience and moral values like trustworthy and humanity can be advantageous to an organisation, all real life experiences are not necessary in business and it is not necessary that person with more experience with more experience is more intelligent. For example a unqualified mechanic with 10 years of experience may not be able to understand current market strategies while a qualified mechanical engineer can create business strategies according to current market needs and also can communicate well with clients. So, employers should prefer applicant with high education and aptitudes.

To conclude, having real life experiences and following values can make someone an ideal human being but when it comes to business, a person with more qualifications should be preferred as he is the perfect combination of intelligence, humanity,creativity and experience to solve critical problems that may arise in business.

[delvydavis]

Some say that it is more important for employers to consider academic qualifications rather than personal life experience and values when hiring an employee. Do you agree or disagree? What are positive and negative aspects of the issue?



In modern era, a confident, smart and expert employee is the backbone of a successful organisation. Considering the competition in market, employers put emphasis on selecting competent individual for any position as it is a long term (long-term) investment for them. I agree with the employers who give more importance to highly qualified individuals rather than candidate with more personal life experience because highly qualified individual has mostly experienced both sides of a coin called life.

Firstly, it is very easy and quick to train an individual graduated from a well-known university as his passing scores reflect his intelligence and ability. In addition to that, university education also includes some practical lessons in classroom or as vocational training in company which gives experience to a student about the real life. A successfully qualified student knows moral value of honesty and time management very well. For instance, study in medicine includes clinical training in hospital and a student needs to follow strict timetable to complete the course with excellent grades. So, it is always best to select a qualified medical professional in hospital as he has all qualities of hard work, time management, honesty and humanity.

Although a person with more personal life experience and moral values like trustworthy and humanity can be advantageous to an organisation, all real life experiences are not necessary in business and it is not necessary that person with more experience with more experience is more intelligent. For example a unqualified (an unqualified) mechanic with 10 years of experience may not be able to understand current market strategies while a qualified mechanical engineer can create business strategies according to current market needs and also (redundant expression: use only one) can communicate well with clients. So, employers should prefer applicant with high education and aptitudes.

To conclude, having real life experiences and following values can make someone an ideal human being but when it comes to business, a person with more qualifications should be preferred as he is the perfect combination of intelligence, humanity,creativity and experience to solve critical problems that may arise in business.

Hi hiren
very few mistakes in grammar-wise. few passive voice usage, try to make it active voice (eg: may not be, can be, should be)
Secondly, number of words - 340. try to bring it down to below 300.

person with more experience with more experience is more intelligent <<< Repetition! instead of repetition "more", try to use different words. (Eg: abundant experience)

Thanks
Delvy

[Hiren]

Hi Delvy ,
thanks for giving your precious time for evaluating my essay.
Can you please check my another essay on below link and show some mistakes?
I am appearing for exam on this Saturday so would like to know mistakes and also what score you would like to give to that essay.
link:
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=219