Task 2 essay..Please pass on comments!

[azm]

DEAR ALL,

Please go through my essay and leave behind your valuable comments and suggestions..

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others,however,say that this would have a little effect on public health and that other measures are requires.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Health is defined by WHO as the physical,mental,social and emotional well being of a person. A country's prosperity and development is reflected by the health status of its citizens.This is in accordance with the saying,"Health is wealth." Various factors contribute to the health of a person,of which,physical activity has a pivotal role to play.It is argued by many that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities,while others are of the opinion that this would only have a minor effect and requires other measures.Both sides of this topic will be analysed and a reasonable conclusion will be derived.

Taking the first opinion into consideration,better sports facilities lead to an improvement in public health, is a truly valid point.The observation wherein individuals participating in various sports events are far more healthier compared to the people preferring a sedentary life supports this view.From this,it is clearly evident that providing greater opportunities to the people to enrol in sports related activities will definitely improve their health.Therefore,the argument supporting enhancement of sports facilities will bring in a significant effect on public health is genuine.

However,many people believe that the ultimate solution to improve the health of the folks is not just encouraging sports.It involves various other measures like health awareness programs,immunization camps,education on preventive measures of various infectious diseases etc. These are,in fact, the issues which can create a significant impact on public health rather than mere sports activities.Hence,the other side of the debate that there will be a little effect on public health by increasing sports facilities is also reasonable.

Analysing both these views as to which is the best way to raise the health standards of the people,increasing sports facilities or taking other measures,I arrive at a conclusion that development of sports facilities will only be an additional aid in improving public health.Greater emphasis is to be laid on other important and relevant measures of improving the health conditions.It is highly recommended that government must improvise on establishing health camps and other health related educational activities in order to safeguard public health,apart from providing better sports facilities.


Thanks in advance.

[azm]

Please leave your valuable comments and rate this essay..

[delvydavis]

DEAR ALL,

Please go through my essay and leave behind your valuable comments and suggestions..

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others,however,say that this would have a little effect on public health and that other measures are requires.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Health is defined by WHO (omit this) as the physical,mental,social and emotional well-being of a person. A country's prosperity and development is reflected by the health status of its citizens.This is in accordance with the saying,"Health is wealth." Various factors contribute to the health of a person,of which,physical activity has a pivotal role to play.It is argued by many that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities,while others are of the opinion that this would only have a minor effect and requires other measures.Both sides of this topic will be analysed and a reasonable conclusion will be derived.

Taking the first opinion into consideration,better sports facilities lead to an improvement in public health, is a truly valid point.The observation wherein individuals participating in various sports events are far more healthier compared to the people preferring a sedentary life supports this view.From this,it is clearly evident that providing greater opportunities to the people to enrol in sports related activities will definitely improve their health.Therefore,the argument supporting enhancement of sports facilities will bring in a significant effect on public health is genuine.

However,many people believe that the ultimate solution to improve the health of the folks is not just encouraging sports.It involves various other measures like health awareness programs,immunization camps,education on preventive measures of various infectious diseases etc. These are,in fact, the issues which can create a significant impact on public health rather than mere sports activities.Hence,the other side of the debate that there will be a little effect on public health by increasing sports facilities is also reasonable.

Analysing both these views as to which is the best way to raise the health standards of the people,increasing sports facilities or taking other measures,I arrive at a conclusion that development of sports facilities will only be an additional aid in improving public health.Greater emphasis is to be laid on other important and relevant measures of improving the health conditions.It is highly recommended that government must improvise (improve) on establishing health camps and other health related educational activities in order to safeguard public health,apart from providing better sports facilities.


Thanks in advance.

Hi this essay looks good. structure is ok.
few grammar mistakes. Many passive voice usage.
Length of essay looks bit long. above 350!
repetition of same words from the question
introduction seems longer than usual. also the conclusion

BR
Delvy

[azm]

Hello delvy,

I guess I used the key words from the question too much. Thanks for your suggestions. I shall try to improve.
Do you think it can fetch a 7 band atleast?

Azm.