Kindly help me review my essay

[vikasggn]

Task2 – 250 Words
Modern Technology, such as personal computers and internet, have made it possible for many people to do their work from home at least part of the time instead of going to an office every day. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?
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In this fast paced and shrinking world, computer and internet is playing a vital role in speeding up and optimizing various aspects of life. On the professional front too, demand from employers have increased manifold for availability of working professional to support their businesses round the clock across different time zones. Amidst the technological evolution and striking demand, internet and computers are doing wonders to provide facilities like out of office or work from home support which can be a boon or bane to employee, employer or society on the whole.

Facilities like Virtual Private Network, Cloud Computing or Software as a service can help the employees to access their office environment from home. The advantages of having this work from home capability can be in the form of saving the travelling time since the employees need not come to office and can stay back home working in the same way as in office. This can be a case when someone had to spend long night previous day and need to continue the same business critical operations early morning. There could also be cases when someone is not available for an hour in between for some personal reasons like taking the spouse or parent to hospital or attending parent teacher meeting of the kid. Additionally, the facility enables the employees to be office independent and available from virtually any location in case of any critical urgency, for instance I was having my holidays in Paris and there was a business impacting incident, so I did not have any option but to hook up to the network and help the team to recover from a tough situation.

While there are advantages, there can be certain disadvantages of this facility as well. There can be significant impact on the family life and work life balance if someone is continuously working beyond office hours because of business requirements and employer is misusing the facilities provided to employee. There could be instances when the surroundings are not conducive enough to support the office like environment and could impact the productivity of the employee. Issues with the network connectivity or problem with the laptop/computer may not be easy to handle away from office. Above all, the seriousness or commitment from employee may not be 100 percent in an undisciplined environment away from office.

In compendium, facilities like internet and computer are good if they are judiciously used and there’s a mechanism to check if employee or employer are not taking undue advantage of this facility for their personal interests.

[greg]

Hi,

You use very advanced vocabulary, but sometimes inappropriately. Take care of that, misuse of words is dangerous for your score. Also, try to use more accurate linking words. It sounds a bit mechanic.

In this fast paced and shrinking world, computer and internet is playing a vital role in speeding up and optimizing various aspects of life. On the professional front too, demand from employers have increased manifold for availability of working professional to support their businesses round the clock across different time zones. Amidst the technological evolution and striking demand, internet and computers are doing wonders to provide facilities like out of office or work from home support which can be a boon or bane to employee, employer or society on the whole.

*What do you mean by "shrinking world"?
* internet is spelled with capital I.
* These two sentence there are TOO long and complex. (On the professional... different time zones+ Amidst.. whole).

Facilities like Virtual Private Network, Cloud Computing or Software as a service can help the employees to access their office environment from home. The advantages of having this work from home capability can be in the form of saving the travelling time since the employees need not come to office and can stay back home working in the same way as in office. This can be a case when someone had to spend long night previous day and need to continue the same business critical operations early morning. There could also be cases when someone is not available for an hour in between for some personal reasons like taking the spouse or parent to hospital or attending parent teacher meeting of the kid. Additionally, the facility enables the employees to be office independent and available from virtually any location in case of any critical urgency, for instance I was having my holidays in Paris and there was a business impacting incident, so I did not have any option but to hook up to the network and help the team to recover from a tough situation.

* The advantages...as in office -> TOO LONG. Break it!
*This can be a case/There could also be cases.. -> Doesn't sounds good.
* office independent -> location independent
* be office independet and avilable from virtually any location . <---- Add here stop. Than continue and give your example. Break the sentences. You write too long and complex.

While there are advantages, there can be certain disadvantages of this facility as well. There can be significant impact on the family life and work life balance if someone is continuously working beyond office hours because of business requirements and employer is misusing the facilities provided to employee. There could be instances when the surroundings are not conducive enough to support the office like environment and could impact the productivity of the employee. Issues with the network connectivity or problem with the laptop/computer may not be easy to handle away from office. Above all, the seriousness or commitment from employee may not be 100 percent in an undisciplined environment away from office.

* You can remove the "of this facility as well" from the introductory sentence here.
* Significant impact - A good one or a bad one? Impact could be for both.
* Some sentences here are too long. Break them. Give some air to the reader.

In compendium, facilities like internet and computer are good if they are judiciously used and there’s a mechanism to check if employee or employer are not taking undue advantage of this facility for their personal interests.

* You must write at least two sentences for the conclusion! You will loose one band for just this mistake! Break the sentence!

Overall, I would estimate it 5-5.5.

- Greg

[vikasggn]

Thanks Greg.

[saqibali]

Band?