Please comment on my essay. Thanks

[nida.jehangir]

Public transportation could be made free of charge. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to them?

The availability of variety of fast moving transit options in modern times have enabled people to work and live in entirely different parts of the city thus increasing the importance of accessibility to public transportation. This phenomena then leads to the question whether public transport should be made free or not. It is felt that there are more disadvantages than advantages for doing this. This can be proven by looking at how free transport can increase burden on the government and can make people less active.

Firstly, introduction of fare free transport will put financial strain on the government. As government has many other priorities like health and education which deserves more to be free of charge than public transportation. Whereas, elimination of fare would mean either cutting down expenses from such much needed areas or introducing new taxes to the people which would not be greeted happily by the public. Thus, provision of free transportation services would be hard to be funded and maintained.

Secondly, the introduction of fare free buses is likely to make people lazy. People would start using buses and tubes even for the small distances that could be covered on foot thus causing problems for the passengers who have to travel long distances. This trend would also result in the over-crowding of buses thus reducing the overall standard of the transportation services.

To summarize it, the proponents of fare free services may argue that high fares can inhibit the accessibility of low-income residents to the transport services. This problem can be resolved to some extent by introducing fare discount or free traveling services for special residents like senior citizens or students but elimination of fare for all citizens would cause more problems than ease. As from above analysis we can see how it can create problem for the government and alter behaviour of people thus leading to degradation in the quality of the services. Thus it can be suggested that public transport should not be made free of charge.

[kumar446]

Hi ,

Your essay seems to be very good ,with all the points covered. Below are the few things I observed.

Financial strain--> Financial Burden
Provision of free transportation services --> idea of free ......
Elimination of fare --> withdrawal of fare

I feel this words might more fit rather than the other ones.please correct me if I am wrong.

Thanks,
Kumar

[nida.jehangir]

Hi Kumar,
Thank you very much for taking out the time to read my essay and commenting on it. Regarding your observations:

The reason to choose 'Financial Strain' over 'Financial Burden' was that I already had used word 'burden' in introduction therefore was avoiding to repeat it.

I agree that "idea of free" goes more with a flow.

Withdrawal of fare can be used as well . I picked up the term 'elimination of fare' from the sample essay given on this site.

thanks

[kumar446]

Hi Kumar,
Thank you very much for taking out the time to read my essay and commenting on it. Regarding your observations:

The reason to choose 'Financial Strain' over 'Financial Burden' was that I already had used word 'burden' in introduction therefore was avoiding to repeat it.

I agree that "idea of free" goes more with a flow.

Withdrawal of fare can be used as well . I picked up the term 'elimination of fare' from the sample essay given on this site.

thanks

Hi Jehangir,

Can you please check my essay as well,if you have some time.

Essay topic –
In some countries, grandparents play a significant role in bringing up children. Is this a positive or negative thing?

I strongly feel that grandparents play a vital role both in families and even in bringing up the children. Grandparents are like strong pillars to any family. They have spent their entire life learning and from their past experiences they can be a good teacher to any grand children. These things may not be taught at school or college level, we can only inherit them from our grandparents. Grandparents are the ones who are preserving our culture; they teach us the core values of relationships, culture and customs in any religion.

In this busy life parents spend most of their time in earning. When compared to olden days, these days both wife and husband are working to have a secure life. In such cases grandparents are the key ones who take care of their children. As senior citizens they are retired and they don’t have anything much to do. This will be a good opportunity for elderly people to keep their health in fit and spend most of the time nurturing grand children.
Moreover it is the tendency at that age, elderly people will be more associated to kids and they develop a strong intimacy and bond between them.

Finally, its up to the parents whether they want their children to be taken care by their grandparents. We also see some cases where families are neglecting elderly people and they don’t want them to be part of their family. But as far as I am concerned grandparents are very much important to any family and they help us in weird situations where our age or knowledge is not sufficient in taking vital decisions.

Thanks,
Kumar

[nida.jehangir]

Hi Kumar,
I am not any expert in essay writing but I will try my best if I can give any useful input. Overall you essay is good and to me it looks the task is achieved. However, there are few things that I have noticed that may be revised like:

In introduction you have started with "I strongly feel ..." , this sounds like an opinion instead of a general background. I guess, as taught by Ryan, essay better be started with a general background rather than an opinion. It may look better if you start your essay with your second statement "Grandparents are like strong pillars ..." and then add your first statement at the end of your introduction.

Rest of argument and description is good.

In conclusion it seems to be slightly drifted away from the topic, it looks slightly more of a topic about importance of grandparents themselves instead of their role in upbringing of child ,,, may be it can be little re-worded ,,, if I am not wrong

[bunni015]

Hi there,

Can any one re-check and find errors committed in the below writing, Please?

Public transportation is the probably the best, affordable, and reliable means for moving within or between cities of a state. This system is one of the contributing factors to increase the economy of any state.Although there might be advantages; however, making this system’s services for free of cost can raise myriad side-effects. Eventually, the transport system might have to face major effect on maintenance, development and government’s budget.

The most vital area where public transport always have to strive continuously to captivate public by maintaining the quality and quantity of their services.If these services are provided as a social service to public, then the first area to face loss effect would be maintaining quality. In addition, the next question is, how the system or government clears the payment to employees ? Following, system fails to enhance the experience of people by improvising their services. Hence,it is clear that disadvantages dominate advantages.

Besides public convenience, the state government expects every government maintained sector contributes to state’s money account. In case of running the public transport for chargeless, then the question of how government can fill the gap generated by public transport system. Hence this disposition’s the economic stability of the region. Apparently, this is again a big deal and hinder to both the system and state legal body.

After examining various reasons and their effects. It can be clearly summarized that providing and making public transport for free, can lead to multitude issues from either public or transport system or government’s point of view. Hence, it is believed that transport system should never choose a decision to run them for free.

Total Word Count : 271

Regards,
Bunni