Please assess my Speaking

[Sharanwj]

Hi
Please assess my speaking.
Topic - Why do people work?
http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/download/file.php?id=305

Thanks in advance

[lmoore]

Hello, Sharanwj,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts about why people work.
Your speech was well-organized, and you used good transitions. However, I would encourage you to use “another” less often. You might try, “in addition,” “furthermore,” “additionally,” “second,” “third,” etc. Also, “first and obvious reason” should have “THE” in front of it. Your reasons answer the question directly and thoroughly.
Vocabulary was good throughout the speech. I heard livelihood, social acceptance, goalless, aimless, for example. There were a couple of instances where you may have used the wrong word or used a word that doesn’t exist. For example, “belongingness” is not a word; it is just “belonging.”
For grammar, I would suggest that you focus on infinitives and subject/verb agreement. At one point, you said, “and they want share a common interest,” but it should have been, “and they want TO share a common interest.” Additionally, you said, “Works helps them bring out their best potential,” but you should have said, “WORK helps them. . .”
Your overall fluency was good, but you spoke slowly. I don’t know if you read your speech or not, but it sounded as if you did much of the time. Aim to sound more conversational. Pronunciation was also somewhat difficult to understand at times. For instance, when you said, “maintain,” you didn’t sound like you opened your mouth very widely. For this long /a/ sound, smile.  Try saying other words with the same sound to help you improve. You might say, “plain, plantain, main, maintain,” for example.
Best wishes as you continue to practice!
-Leyla

[saqibali]

Also add some cohesive devices