Please criticize my letter mistake against a band 9 letter

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saqibali
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Please criticize my letter mistake against a band 9 letter

Post by saqibali »

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter:
explain what you like bout the cafeteria
say what is wrong
suggest how it could be improved)



Dear Sir,
I am writing to appreciate your cafeteria and suggest some improvement tips which will make this cafeteria the number one choice of students. Please allow me to elaborate on this further.

I use this cafeteria for my lunch on daily basis. Fully tired, when I return from my routine office working, this cafeteria serves me as the best source for my favorite lunch dishes. In addition to this, food of the cafeteria is devoid of any bad ingredients which cafeterias normally use for commercial benefits.

Unfortunately, the behavior of staff does not match the all rest qualities of the cafeteria. Although the staff is well behaved but they need a bit professional training to handle tough and tired customers with a professional positive attitude.

This can be incorporated through a short time professional training and a strict behavior watch afterwards. Such training will give a very mature professional style to the serving staff and they would appear more positive to tired and worried customers. After this training, you can change behavior of your staff by awarding and penalizing the staff against the training values. This advice, if incorporated whole heartedly, will attract customer soft nearby areas too and in effect it will enhance your customer base and brand name.

I hope you will incorporate this suggestion very soon.

Regards,
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https://www.facebook.com/pages/IELTS-No ... 3123916148
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Flick
Grammar Checker
Grammar Checker
Posts: 1466
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Please criticize my letter mistake against a band 9 lett

Post by Flick »

saqibali wrote:You eat at your college cafeteria every lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter:
explain what you like bout the cafeteria
say what is wrong
suggest how it could be improved)



Dear Sir,
I am writing to let you know I appreciate your cafeteria and would like to suggest some improvements which will make this cafeteria the number one choice of students. Please allow me to elaborate on this further.

I use this cafeteria for my lunch on a daily basis. Your cafeteria serves me as the best source for my favorite lunch dishes. In addition to this, the food you offer is always healthy and devoid of any bad ingredients which cafeterias normally use for commercial benefits.

Unfortunately, the behavior of staff does not match the rest of the qualities of the cafeteria. Although the staff is well behaved, they need a bit of professional training to handle tough and tired customers with a professional and positive attitude.

This can be incorporated through a quick training course and regular observation afterwards. Such training will give a very mature professional style to the serving staff and they would appear more positive to tired and worried customers. After this training, you can change the behavior of your staff by awarding and penalizing the staff against the training values. This advice, if incorporated whole heartedly, will attract customers from nearby areas and in effect it will enhance your customer base and brand name.

I hope you will incorporate this suggestion very soon.

Regards,
saqibali
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: Please criticize my letter mistake against a band 9 lett

Post by saqibali »

Anyone who can
Spot the grammer mistakes?
Challenge my task achievement?
Challenge my Understanding?
Suggest better variety of words and phrases?
Suggest better cohesion?
Suggest better sentences and words?
Limited free classes and unlimited best IELTS material at below link
https://www.facebook.com/pages/IELTS-No ... 3123916148
saqibali
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: Please criticize my letter mistake against a band 9 lett

Post by saqibali »

saqibali wrote:You eat at your college cafeteria every lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter:
explain what you like bout the cafeteria
say what is wrong
suggest how it could be improved)



Dear Sir,
I am writing to appreciate your cafeteria and to suggest some improvements which will make this cafeteria the number one choice of students. Please allow me to elaborate on this further.

As you know, I use this cafeteria[canteen] for my lunch on daily[change topic word, use regular]basis. Fully tired, when I return from my routine office working, this cafeteria [shop]serves me as the best source for my favorite lunch dishes. In addition to this, food[items] of the cafeteria is devoid of any bad ingredients which other cafeterias normally use for commercial benefits.Contrary to food[products] of other cafeterias, your dishes does not contain any harmful ingredients.

Unfortunately, the behavior of staff does not match the all rest [salient]qualities of the cafeteria. Although the staff[team] is well behaved but they need a bit professional training to handle tough and tired customers with a professional positive attitude.In addition to this, the outer look of the cafeteria is very poor which in turn fades interest of customers.The word improvements in subject of the letter mean that we need to furnish more than one improvement.

The first weakness can be incorporated through a short time professional training and a strict behavior watch afterwards. Such trainings will give[incorporates/inculcates]] a very mature professional style[attitude] to the serving staff and they would sound more positive to [tough]tired and worried customers. After[through] this training, you can change behavior of your staff by awarding and penalizing the staff against the training values. This advice, if incorporated fully, will attract customers of nearby areas too and in effect it[this] will enhance your customer base and brand name.In addition to this, you need to hire a good agency to renovate the outer boundary wall of cafeteria.

I hope you will incorporate these suggestions very soon.

Regards,
Limited free classes and unlimited best IELTS material at below link
https://www.facebook.com/pages/IELTS-No ... 3123916148
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