Please assess my IELTS TASK 2

[devaraj]

QUESTION:
Some say that young people are not suitable for decision-making positions in governments; others, however, disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

ANSWER:
In this technological era, many youngsters playing decision making role in all the profession. Many believe that young people should not be considered for decision making position in government while others oppose it. In my point of view, young people should be allowed to take part in decision making role in government to get accurate and remarkable success in all the fields.

Youngster brings innovative ideas in technology revolution. For example, one of the Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg was worked as Chief Executive Officer (CEO) incorporated many innovative ideas and taken many decisions in Facebook development and become great success. It proves that youngster have developed skill to handle hard decisions. So that they can also participate in government's decision making role.

On the other hand, senior people have experience and knowledge to tackle challenging and important conclusions in government sectors. For instance, Indian BJP(Bharathiya Janatha Party) led government under Prime Minister of India Narendra Modi have more experience in leadership as well as decision making skill taking innovative decision to tackle declining Indian economy. He was worked as chief Minister of Gujarat for several times and famous for the Gujarat state development.


To conclude, youngster should be considered for decision making position in government who can bring ground breaking decisions by using latest technology will useful in government. Moreover, youngsters who are intelligent and precise in their judgment should be allowed to take part in government.

[saqibali]

I supposed, its an older post.
Do you still need to correct this essay?

[devaraj]

Yes please assess my IELTS TASK 2

[dearjohn]

hi. i am not an expert. but as i know, the word youngster is rather not academic in my taste. and i do not get the need to include technology in the essay. This means TECHNOLOGY in relation to DECISION MAKING is not well supported.

[savi]

ANSWER:
In this technological era, many youngsters are playing decision making role in all the professions. Many believe that young people should not be considered for decision making position in government while others oppose it. In my point of view, young people should be allowed to take part in decision making role in government to get accurate and remarkable success in all the fields.

Youngsters bring innovative ideas in technology revolution. For example, one of the Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerbergworked as Chief Executive Officer (CEO) incorporated many innovative ideas and taken many decisions for Facebook development and come up with great success. It proves that youngsters have inculcated skills to handle hard decisions. So that they can also participate for government decision.

On the other hand, senior people have ample of experience and knowledge to confer challenging and important conclusions in government sectors. For instance, Indian BJP(Bharathiya Janatha Party) led government under Prime Minister of India Narendra Modi have more experience in leadership as well as decision making skill taking innovative decision to tackle declining Indian economy. He worked as chief Minister of Gujarat for several times and famous for the Gujarat state development.


To conclude, youngsters should be considered for decision making position in government who can bring ground breaking decisions by using latest technology will be useful in government. Moreover, youngsters who are intelligent and precise in their judgment should be allowed to take part in government.

[savi]

While the essay is too good but it seems that it has ambiguity. I tried to remove the mistakes, but I'm afraid that I am not an expert.