Please help me with my writing!

[ntaylor]

Hello I am new here, and I am in desperate need for help with my writing. I've took the test 3 times and I am still getting 6.5 for writing. I need 7. Thank you! And pardon me if my English proficiency is too low..

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

It has been a debate of the society on the issue whether children should engage in paid work. Some people reckons that working is dangerous and wrong for children, while some agreed that involving children in paid work could instill values that cannot be learn in the classroom.

I agree that working serves as a valuable experience for children. They would get the opportunity to experience the real world, to observe the professionalism and etiquette the working class adopted. Exposure to the working world equipped these kids with the morals to face the harsh world in the near future. In addition, they would also experience the hard work and hardships their parents go through, a valuable lesson that teaches them to spend their parent's hard-earned money wisely. Apart from that, children gets the chance to take responsibility of their own actions. For example, they learnt that it is important to be focus and serious in performing their job tasks as they are aware that a minor mistake could bring about serious consequences that they would have to bear themselves. Plus, children engaged in paid work would also have a better idea of the field of work they want to pursue in future. An example would be where a child whose ambition is to become a doctor helps out in a clinic and observe the doctor doing his job. It is also true that improvements in social skills and interactions with people are seen in children that works.

However, there are also downsides for children to start working at such an early age. One reason would be that children are vulnerable and naive that their employers could easily exploit them. For example, a girl that involves herself in the modeling line of work could face dangers and threats such as rape and molest.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that children of certain age should be allowed to be involved in paid work. As mentioned above, the benefits of children working outweighs the downside. It provides children with with values and knowledge that no other experience can. In order to avoid the dangers posed to these children while working, parents could make an extra effort in supervising and helping them secure a job that is save and where they can learn.

[saqibali]

Dear friend,
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