Please review my task-2

[ravinain]

Question: Many countries want to move factories and big industrial firms out of towns and into rural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.
Answer:
In many countries, governments are planning to relocate factories and big industrial firms out of town and into rural areas. There are numerous benefits and few drawbacks of doing so. I think due to huge number of advantages the disadvantages do not make any impact.

First and foremost, prominent drawback of moving factories and big industrial firms is that the people have to travel more to reach to their work place and this will take too much time. In addition, as they have to travel, they will need to pay on their transport. Furthermore, government needs to invest on the transportation systems so that people can reach to the work place easily, if government does not increase the number of public transport then it will become very difficult for workers to commute. Thus moving factories and big industrial firms out of town and into rural areas may not be comfortable for workers to commute.

On the other hand, there are many major benefits of relocating such kind of firms out of town into rural areas. The noise and air pollution in the town will get decreased and which is good for town's people's health. In addition, some factories make too much noise and which disturbs the residents of that city. Furthermore, as companies will move out of town then less people will commute to the city on daily basis; therefore, this change will reduce the traffic on town's roads. In India, for instance, Faridabad is a city where all factories were in the urban areas but after sometime those factories moved to rural areas and which made the positive impact on the traffic in urban areas.

To conclude, despite there are few drawbacks, there are numerous benefits. In my opinion, those benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
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Please comment the bands.

[saqibali]

Question: Many countries want to move factories and big industrial firms out of towns and into rural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.
This is an argumentative essay in which you was supposed to defend one side.However, I am evaluating this essay.

Answer:
In many countries, governments are planning to relocate factories and big industrial firms out of town and into rural areas. There are numerous benefits and few drawbacks of doing so. I think due to huge number of advantages the disadvantages do not make any impact[advantages outweigh disadvantages].

First and foremost, prominent drawback of moving factories and big industrial firms is that the people have to travel more to reach [approach]to their work place [Use next sentence:This, in turn ....]and this will take too much time. In addition, as they have to travel, they will need to pay on their transport[This will add extra daily travel cost on employees..continue the cohesion]. Furthermore, government needs to invest on the transportation systems so that people can reach to the work place easily, if government does not increase the number of public transport then it will become very difficult for workers to commute.[Unnecessary +complicated sentence] Thus moving factories and big industrial firms out of town and into rural areas may not[Never use may not word.Express your opinion firmly] be comfortable for workers to commute[Rephrase sentence].

On the other hand, there are many major benefits of relocating such kind of firms out of town into rural areas. The noise and air pollution in the town will get decreased and which is good for town's people's health. In addition, some factories make too much noise and which disturbs the residents of that city. Furthermore, as companies will move out of town then less people will commute to the city on daily basis; therefore, this change will reduce the traffic on town's roads. In India, for instance, Faridabad is a city where all factories were in the urban areas but after sometime those factories moved to rural areas and which made the positive impact on the traffic in urban areas.[Repeating same sentences.Please rephrase sentences.Before you write any sentence think about its purpose and its connection with previous sentence]

To conclude, despite there are few drawbacks, there are numerous benefits. In my opinion, those benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

Conclusion should be three to four lines.
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Please comment the bands.

[saqibali]

I do not wants to discourage you but this is 5.5 essay.As a honest person, I have given you correct estimation

[ravinain]

Thank you for feedback

[saqibali]

You are welcome