IELTS GT Writing Task 2 - Please assess my essay

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Sharanwj
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:35 pm

IELTS GT Writing Task 2 - Please assess my essay

Post by Sharanwj »

Task: What are drawbacks and benefits of doing part-time jobs while studying.

Thanks in advance :)

Of many key aspects of dynamic student life, part-time work is an important one. Students work, during weekends or breaks, according to their skill-set. However, It is not an individual mandate to work while studying, students are free to make this decision.

Firstly, Part-time jobs gives financial independence to students; they can use the money – to pay tuition fees, to buy books, as emergency reserve, to apply for extra courses. This, in turn, gives them feeling of financial security; it, further, boosts their confidence level and teaches them lifelong money management skills. Also, Students can use the money to travel which opens up their mind to new cultures and people.

Moreover, money is not the only reason why students work, students also work whilst they are financially sound. While working students learn new skills and work ethics which makes them job-ready; students who have work experience are more likely to adapt easily to corporate world. Also, in the process, they grow personally, intellectually, and socially at work leading to a overall personality development.

On the contrary, part-time work for students has its own set of issues; First of all, it can become very hectic managing work with studies, work can act as a distraction for students which can affect academic performance leading to stress. Additionally, students are not able to devote time to extra-curricular activities or sports training. Another issue, seldom discussed, is students start spending extravagantly – on parties, gadgets, and clothes; ultimately falling prey to debt trap.

To conclude, part time work help students develop important personality traits and groom them into a confident individual. Students should learn time management so that work shouldn't hinder their academic progress and the hard earned money should be used judiciously.
saqibali
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: IELTS GT Writing Task 2 - Please assess my essay

Post by saqibali »

Capital letters are used unnecessarily.
Topic of essay is not clear to follow and evaluate the essay
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Sharanwj
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:35 pm

Re: IELTS GT Writing Task 2 - Please assess my essay

Post by Sharanwj »

This is the topic.

Topic: While studying some students take weekend or evening jobs to help with expenditure. How do you feel about this? What are the drawbacks and benefits of such a decision.
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