LOOK FOR GRAMMAR ERRORS & comment please

[Piazzi]

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the
following topic.

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as
completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning
and taking responsibility.

What are your opinions on this?

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with
examples and relevant evidence.

You should write at least 250 words.


We usually see kids working on paid jobs as adults in developing countries. About this topic, some advocate that this happening is harmful for a child, while others argue that this in an important fact on the process of learning. This essay is an attempt to discuss both points of view and draw my own opinion from this.

In one hand, child activities such playing games and use the imagination to create their own world have an important role in their formation. If these simple activities were repressed, then the future adult will less likely have abilities to solve problems and have new ideas. For this reason, children should not have most of their time occupied by adults tasks. It will probably have a negative influence in their future.

On the other hand, it is agreed that having a work brings a lot of professional experiences, one of them, the responsibility. Anticipating this job experience to the childhood could bring some benefits, as being well prepared for the adulthood situations, and for the market. This seems to be a good point as our society became much more competitive nowadays. Having extra-years of training in a job could make the difference.

As an overview, if remunerated works in childhood have been considered totally wrong for some individuals, some people draw positive aspects of this situation. Considering this, I believe that the disadvantages of a paid job in childhood overcome the advantages. The first years of ours lives are a magical moment, which will never be experienced again.

[saqibali]

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the
following topic.

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as
completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning
and taking responsibility.

What are your opinions on this?

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with
examples and relevant evidence.

You should write at least 250 words.


We usually see kids working on paid jobs as adults in developing countries[Second part of sentence is not understandable]. About this topic, some advocate that this happening is harmful for a child, while others argue that this in an important fact[part] on the process of learning. This essay is an attempt to discuss both points of view and draw my own opinion from this[Why are you saying that this essay is an attempt??].

In one hand, child activities such[as] playing games and use[usage of] the imagination to create their own world[for creating of their own world] have an important role in their formation[upbringing]. If these simple[in case] activities were repressed[denounced], then the future adult will less likely have abilities to solve problems and have new ideas[bring new ideas]. For this reason, children should not have most of their time occupied by adults[why you are using adult again and again] tasks. It will probably have a negative influence in their future[out of topic].

This above paragraph is not coherent with topic

On the other hand, it is agreed that having a work brings a lot of professional experiences, one of them, the responsibility. Anticipating this job experience to the childhood could bring some benefits, as being well prepared for the adulthood situations, and for the market. This seems to be a good point as our society became much more competitive nowadays. Having extra-years of training in a job could make the difference.

As an overview, if remunerated works in childhood have been considered totally wrong for some individuals, some people draw positive aspects of this situation. Considering this, I believe that the disadvantages of a paid job in childhood overcome the advantages. The first years of ours lives are a magical moment, which will never be experienced again.