SUCCESSFUL SPORTS PROFESSIONALS CAN EARN A GREAT DEAL MORE MONEY THAN PEOPLE IN OTHER IMPORTANT PROFESSIONS.
SOME PEOPLE THINK IT IS FULLY JUSTIFIED WHILE OTHERS THINK IIT IS UNFAIR.
DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.
OUR SOCIETY IS A CURIOUS NETWORK OF DIFFERENT PERSONS.THERE ARE DOCTORS, ENGINEERS. TEACHERS, ARCHITECTS, LAWYERS AND SHOW PROFESSIONS WHO EARN DIFFERENT AMOUNT OF MONEY BASED ON THEIR PROFESSION.THIS CAN BE SEEN NOWHERE CLEAR THAT SUCCESSFUL SPORTS PROFESSIONALS WILL EARN A GREAT AMOUNT OFMONEY THAN THE PEOPLE IIN OTHER PROFESSIONS. MANY ARGUE THAT IT IS TOTALLY JUSTIFIED FOR SPORTS PERSONS TO EARN MORE THAN OTHER PROFESSIONAL, HOWEVER IT IS REFUTED BY OTHERS. THESE ARGUMENTS WILL BE ANNALYZED PRIOR TO COMING TO A REASONED CONCLUSION.
ON THE ONE HAND.IT IS FELT BY MANY THAT EARNINGMORE MONEY FOR SPORTS PEOPLE IS FAIR. AN IDEA THAT SUPPORT THIS ISTHAT THE TENURE OF SPORTS OR ATHLETIC PEOPLE IS VERY SHORT. THIS EXAMPLE SHOWS THATT IF A PLAYER IS MET WITH AN ACCIDENT THEN HE WILL BE REPLACED BY OTHERS ND HE IS NO LONGER CONTINUED IN SPORTS.THEY WILL EARN A RECOGNITION AND MONEY ONLY WHEN THEIR CARRER IS IN FORM AND AT PEAK.THUS IT IS CLEAR WHY MANY PEOPLE GRAVITATE TOWARDS THIS POINT OF VIEW.
ON THE OTHER HAND, MANY PEOPLE REFUTE THE IDEA OF EARNING MORE MONEY BY SPORTS PEOPLE .THE OTHER PROFESSION PERSONS LIKE TEACHERS, SURGEONS,SCIENTIST ARE SERVING TO THE SOCIETY AND ARE PAID VERY LESS. THIS EXAMPLE SHOWS THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE WORKING FOR SOCIETY ARE EARNING LESS AND WHO ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING FOR THE BENEFIT OF PEOPLE ARE EARNING MORE. AFTER ANALYZING THESE FACTS, IT IS CLEAR WHY MANY SUPPORT THIS CLAIM.
AFTER ANALYZING THESE TWO POINT OF VIEWS, IT IS BELIEVED THAT WHY MANY PEOPLE AGREE AND REFUTE WITH THE IDEA OF SPORTS PERSONS EARNING GREAT DEALS AND MONEYTHAN THE OTHERS. THUS THE ARGUMENT TO EARN MORE INCOME BY SPORTS PERSON IS SUPPORTED. HOWEVER, IT IS EXPECTED IN FUTURE, THAT THE GOVERNMENTS WILL BE ABLE TO BALANCE THE EARNINGS OF SPORTS SND OTHER PROFESSIONALS.
please comment on my essay nd give me a feedback
Re: please comment on my essay nd give me a feedback
Send me your skype address in inbox.I will rewrite this from start.Watching my thought process would help you write qualitatively.
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Re: please comment on my essay nd give me a feedback
OUR SOCIETY IS A CURIOUS NETWORK OF DIFFERENT PERSONS.THERE ARE DOCTORS, ENGINEERS. TEACHERS, ARCHITECTS, LAWYERS AND SHOW PROFESSIONS WHO EARN DIFFERENT AMOUNT OF MONEY BASED ON THEIR PROFESSION.THIS CAN BE SEEN NOWHERE CLEAR THAT SUCCESSFUL SPORTS PROFESSIONALS WILL EARN A GREAT AMOUNT OFMONEY THAN THE PEOPLE IIN OTHER PROFESSIONS. MANY ARGUE THAT IT IS TOTALLY JUSTIFIED FOR SPORTS PERSONS TO EARN MORE THAN OTHER PROFESSIONAL, HOWEVER IT IS REFUTED BY OTHERS. THESE ARGUMENTS WILL BE ANNALYZED PRIOR TO COMING TO A REASONED CONCLUSION.( or will be analyzed prior for a reasonable conclusion)
In first sentence in introduction, you spoke about different persons and in the second sentence you talking about different professions. (completely different ideas, i guess) .
" In this modern century, it is more common that people who are engaged in humanity service getting paid much lower than the sports celebrities. This is an issue being supported and refuted by many. Therefore, a study on this subject is necessary to reach in a judicious conclusion".
(I am not saying that my introduction is better. I am also a student. So, there are chances for me to make errors in my sentences.It is just to show that how i would have written that introduction in my style.)
ON THE ONE HAND.IT IS FELT BY MANY THAT EARNINGMORE MONEY FOR SPORTS PEOPLE IS FAIR. AN IDEA THAT SUPPORT THIS ISTHAT THE TENURE OF SPORTS OR ATHLETIC PEOPLE IS VERY SHORT. THIS EXAMPLE SHOWS THATT IF A PLAYER IS MET WITH AN ACCIDENT THEN HE WILL BE REPLACED BY OTHERS ND HE IS NO LONGER CONTINUED IN SPORTS.THEY WILL EARN A RECOGNITION AND MONEY ONLY WHEN THEIR CARRER IS IN FORM AND AT PEAK.THUS IT IS CLEAR WHY MANY PEOPLE GRAVITATE TOWARDS THIS POINT OF VIEW.
" Here, you could have given a real life example. The style you used is over generalizing the topic. By doing this, you may lose your score in exam. "
ON THE OTHER HAND, MANY PEOPLE REFUTE THE IDEA OF EARNING MORE MONEY BY SPORTS PEOPLE .THE OTHER PROFESSION PERSONS LIKE TEACHERS, SURGEONS,SCIENTIST ARE SERVING TO THE SOCIETY AND ARE PAID VERY LESS. THIS EXAMPLE SHOWS THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE WORKING FOR SOCIETY ARE EARNING LESS AND WHO ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING FOR THE BENEFIT OF PEOPLE ARE EARNING MORE
. AFTER ANALYZING THESE FACTS, IT IS CLEAR WHY MANY SUPPORT THIS CLAIM.
"How can you prove that sports celebrities are doing nothing to society?. Even if you have ideas to prove that in your mind, it is not written in here."
AFTER ANALYZING THESE TWO POINT OF VIEWS, IT IS BELIEVED THAT WHY MANY PEOPLE AGREE AND REFUTE WITH THE IDEA OF SPORTS PERSONS EARNING GREAT DEALS AND MONEYTHAN THE OTHERS. THUS THE ARGUMENT TO EARN MORE INCOME BY SPORTS PERSON IS SUPPORTED. HOWEVER, IT IS EXPECTED IN FUTURE, THAT THE GOVERNMENTS WILL BE ABLE TO BALANCE THE EARNINGS OF SPORTS SND OTHER PROFESSIONALS.
After reading this essay it is quiet confusing that where you are agreed with. No strong points to support or refute the claims.
Anusha
You can write good essays. because,most of your sentences are flawless in grammar. what makes trouble is that you are mixing ideas together or ideas are not clear. Try to brainstorm a little. You can write beautiful essays.
In first sentence in introduction, you spoke about different persons and in the second sentence you talking about different professions. (completely different ideas, i guess) .
" In this modern century, it is more common that people who are engaged in humanity service getting paid much lower than the sports celebrities. This is an issue being supported and refuted by many. Therefore, a study on this subject is necessary to reach in a judicious conclusion".
(I am not saying that my introduction is better. I am also a student. So, there are chances for me to make errors in my sentences.It is just to show that how i would have written that introduction in my style.)
ON THE ONE HAND.IT IS FELT BY MANY THAT EARNINGMORE MONEY FOR SPORTS PEOPLE IS FAIR. AN IDEA THAT SUPPORT THIS ISTHAT THE TENURE OF SPORTS OR ATHLETIC PEOPLE IS VERY SHORT. THIS EXAMPLE SHOWS THATT IF A PLAYER IS MET WITH AN ACCIDENT THEN HE WILL BE REPLACED BY OTHERS ND HE IS NO LONGER CONTINUED IN SPORTS.THEY WILL EARN A RECOGNITION AND MONEY ONLY WHEN THEIR CARRER IS IN FORM AND AT PEAK.THUS IT IS CLEAR WHY MANY PEOPLE GRAVITATE TOWARDS THIS POINT OF VIEW.
" Here, you could have given a real life example. The style you used is over generalizing the topic. By doing this, you may lose your score in exam. "
ON THE OTHER HAND, MANY PEOPLE REFUTE THE IDEA OF EARNING MORE MONEY BY SPORTS PEOPLE .THE OTHER PROFESSION PERSONS LIKE TEACHERS, SURGEONS,SCIENTIST ARE SERVING TO THE SOCIETY AND ARE PAID VERY LESS. THIS EXAMPLE SHOWS THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE WORKING FOR SOCIETY ARE EARNING LESS AND WHO ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING FOR THE BENEFIT OF PEOPLE ARE EARNING MORE
. AFTER ANALYZING THESE FACTS, IT IS CLEAR WHY MANY SUPPORT THIS CLAIM."How can you prove that sports celebrities are doing nothing to society?. Even if you have ideas to prove that in your mind, it is not written in here."
AFTER ANALYZING THESE TWO POINT OF VIEWS, IT IS BELIEVED THAT WHY MANY PEOPLE AGREE AND REFUTE WITH THE IDEA OF SPORTS PERSONS EARNING GREAT DEALS AND MONEYTHAN THE OTHERS. THUS THE ARGUMENT TO EARN MORE INCOME BY SPORTS PERSON IS SUPPORTED. HOWEVER, IT IS EXPECTED IN FUTURE, THAT THE GOVERNMENTS WILL BE ABLE TO BALANCE THE EARNINGS OF SPORTS SND OTHER PROFESSIONALS.
After reading this essay it is quiet confusing that where you are agreed with. No strong points to support or refute the claims.
Anusha
You can write good essays. because,most of your sentences are flawless in grammar. what makes trouble is that you are mixing ideas together or ideas are not clear. Try to brainstorm a little. You can write beautiful essays.