Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
answer
The controversy around the competition is one the most debated topics in society affairs. Some advocate that this sense should be built up since very young ages, while other argue that children who are taught to be co-operative become exemplar citizens. Both opinions will be critiqued before a reasonable conclusion is draw.
Many reasons have been advanced to explain why the sense of competition have been raising among people. A popular notion is that with the increasing in population rates, the resources in the world become insufficient, that in turn, lead individuals to fight for their needs. This argument is an extension to Mendel’s theories, which predicted that the resources and human population grow in different rates. Thus, it is understandable why many support the idea of encouraging children to be competitive: it is a matter of survivor.
However, it seems that Mendel’s predictions were wrong. With 6.5 billion people in the globe, there is enough goods for everybody. Conventional wisdom holds that it is possible because people are organized on a complex pattern where each individual play a role. For this reason, some believe that if children were taught to support they community, then their will grow up as important – and useful – piece of a bigger engine, which is called society.
On balance, it is arguable that, although teach toddlers to be competitive could bring some individual benefits for them, is preferable that children learn how to behave towards a co-operative society. In light of this, I am inclined to support the latter point of view. World could be a better place if children were taught to co-operate rather than compete.
please comment my essay CHILDREN COMPETITION
Re: please comment my essay CHILDREN COMPETITION
im no expert but these are the areas which i think would need improvement
first paragraph:
>The controversy around the competition is one the most debated topics in society affairs. -society's affairs or societal affairs
>Some advocate that this sense should be built up since very young ages, while other argue that children who are taught to be co-operative become exemplar citizens. -cooperative
>Both opinions will be critiqued before a reasonable conclusion is draw. -is drawn
first paragraph:
>The controversy around the competition is one the most debated topics in society affairs. -society's affairs or societal affairs
>Some advocate that this sense should be built up since very young ages, while other argue that children who are taught to be co-operative become exemplar citizens. -cooperative
>Both opinions will be critiqued before a reasonable conclusion is draw. -is drawn
Re: please comment my essay CHILDREN COMPETITION
Many reasons have been advanced to explain why the sense of competition have been raising among people. -have been raised
A popular notion is that with the increasing in population rates, the resources in the world become insufficient, that in turn, lead individuals to fight for their needs. -increasing population rates, insufficient and in turn lead
This argument is an extension to Mendel’s theories, which predicted that the resources and human population grow in different rates. Thus, it is understandable why many support the idea of encouraging children to be competitive: it is a matter of survivor. -of survival
A popular notion is that with the increasing in population rates, the resources in the world become insufficient, that in turn, lead individuals to fight for their needs. -increasing population rates, insufficient and in turn lead
This argument is an extension to Mendel’s theories, which predicted that the resources and human population grow in different rates. Thus, it is understandable why many support the idea of encouraging children to be competitive: it is a matter of survivor. -of survival
Re: please comment my essay CHILDREN COMPETITION
For this reason, some believe that if children were taught to support they community, then their will grow up as important – and useful – piece of a bigger engine, which is called society. -their community, then they .... grow up as an.... bigger engine called society
Re: please comment my essay CHILDREN COMPETITION
On balance, it is arguable that, although teach toddlers to be competitive could bring some individual benefits for them, is preferable that children learn how to behave towards a co-operative society. In light of this, I am inclined to support the latter point of view. World could be a better place if children were taught to co-operate rather than compete -while balancing both point of arguments, although teaching toddlers to be competitive could.... it is preferrable that children learn to behave cooperatively in the society
next sentences are redundant and repetitive
next sentences are redundant and repetitive
Re: please comment my essay CHILDREN COMPETITION
The controversy around the competition is one of the most debated topics in society affairs. Some advocate that this sense should be built up since very young ages, while other argue that children who are taught to be co-operative become exemplar citizens( doesnt feel right structure in here., making confusion due to changes in tense). Both opinions will be critiqued before a reasonable conclusion is draw.
Many reasons have been advanced to explain why the sense of competition have (has) been raising among people (this sentence needs to be rephrased). A popular notion is that with the increasing(increase) in population rates, the resources in the world become insufficient, that in turn, lead individuals to fight for their needs. This argument is an extension to Mendel’s theories, which predicted that the resources and human population grow in different rates. Thus, it is understandable why many support the idea of encouraging children to be competitive: it is a matter of survivor.
However, it seems (seems to who??)that Mendel’s predictions were wrong. With 6.5 billion people in the globe, there is enough goods for everybody(needs clarification. you can write anything if you can prove that. ). Conventional wisdom holds that it is possible because people are organized on a complex pattern where each individual play a role(purpose of this sentence is unclear). For this reason, some believe that if children were taught to support they community, then their will grow up as important – and useful – piece of a bigger engine, which is called society.
On balance, it is arguable that, although teach toddlers to be competitive could bring some individual benefits for them, is preferable that children learn how to behave towards a co-operative society.(grammatical errors and punctuation causing confusion) In light of this, I am inclined to support the latter point of view. World could be a better place if children were taught to co-operate rather than compete.
hi piazzi
Try to minimize the words in your sentence. when more words are added, grammatical errors occur frequently. minimize the word limit to 10 or 12 in a sentence. So that it will be easy for you to control your grammar.
In first body paragraph, you made a strong point and failed to counter that point in later part to prove your view as right.
I suggest you to go through some basic English grammar, if you can.
Many reasons have been advanced to explain why the sense of competition have (has) been raising among people (this sentence needs to be rephrased). A popular notion is that with the increasing(increase) in population rates, the resources in the world become insufficient, that in turn, lead individuals to fight for their needs. This argument is an extension to Mendel’s theories, which predicted that the resources and human population grow in different rates. Thus, it is understandable why many support the idea of encouraging children to be competitive: it is a matter of survivor.
However, it seems (seems to who??)that Mendel’s predictions were wrong. With 6.5 billion people in the globe, there is enough goods for everybody(needs clarification. you can write anything if you can prove that. ). Conventional wisdom holds that it is possible because people are organized on a complex pattern where each individual play a role(purpose of this sentence is unclear). For this reason, some believe that if children were taught to support they community, then their will grow up as important – and useful – piece of a bigger engine, which is called society.
On balance, it is arguable that, although teach toddlers to be competitive could bring some individual benefits for them, is preferable that children learn how to behave towards a co-operative society.(grammatical errors and punctuation causing confusion) In light of this, I am inclined to support the latter point of view. World could be a better place if children were taught to co-operate rather than compete.
hi piazzi
Try to minimize the words in your sentence. when more words are added, grammatical errors occur frequently. minimize the word limit to 10 or 12 in a sentence. So that it will be easy for you to control your grammar.
In first body paragraph, you made a strong point and failed to counter that point in later part to prove your view as right.
I suggest you to go through some basic English grammar, if you can.