Plz grade this task 1, I need feedbacks..my examz in a week

[sanuja]

The bar graph illustrates the data on the differences in the level of education achieved by males and females, after school in Australia, in 1999.Generally speaking, while men pursued post graduate studies in higher number; larger proportion of women, on the other hand, studied below graduation.
More specifically, the number of men studying skilled vocational diploma far outnumbered their counterparts. In fact, only one out of every ten students was female. Undergraduate diploma and degrees was more popular with the fairer sex. The female students studying undergraduate diploma were nearly double the number of men. However, the difference was less significant (10%), at the Bachelor's level, where the number of women were 55%.
On the contrary, majority of the post graduates were men. 70% of the postgraduates were men, which is more than the opposite sex by two-fifth. Moreover, 60% of the males studied Master's degree. Another important observation is that the number achieving the highest level of education is almost thrice the lowest, in either gender group.
To sum up, more women studied at degree level. However, most post graduate students were men.

[holymanbinny]

The bar graph illustrates the data on the differences in the level of education achieved by males and females, after school in Australia, in 1999.Generally speaking, while men pursued post graduate studies in higher number; larger proportion of women, on the other hand, studied below graduation. confusing
More specifically, the number of men who studied skilled vocational diploma far outnumbered their counterparts. In fact, only one out of every ten students was female. Undergraduate diploma and Bachelor degrees was more popular with the fairer sex. The female students studying undergraduate diploma were nearly double the number of men. However, the difference was less significant (10%), at the Bachelor's level, where the number of women were 55%.
On the contrary, majority of the post graduates were men. 70% of the postgraduates were men,( repetition) 0r (In postgraduate diploma,male students were almost 40% greater than their counterparts.Although,it was slightly opposite in master degree program, where male student fractionally decreased by 10% ,where as female counterparts rose by a similar percentage. ) which is more than the opposite sex by two-fifth. Moreover, 60% of the males studied Master's degree. Another important observation is that the number achieving the highest level of education is almost thrice the lowest, in either gender group.
To sum up, more women studied at degree level. or , most women preferred undergraduate diploma ,however, skilled vocational diploma programs were most famous among men.) .However, most post graduate students were men wrongly stated .

[sanuja]

Thank you so much for this feedback. I shall definitely incorporate these in other practice texts and shall be posting a few other writing tasks for evaluation. Thank you so much

[holymanbinny]

No problem , work on how to show variation sentences and also keep it simple in understanding