Please evaluate my task 1

[swetam]

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken.
Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter
* describe the problem with the equipment
* explain what happened when you phoned the shop
* say what you would like the manager to do

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to express my dissatisfaction regarding a Juicer mixer that I had bought from your shop last week on March 15th.

The first malfunction was that mixer was not starting properly at first attempt. Also the switch was quite hard making it difficult to operate. After various attempts it finally started but was making loud noise which usually should not happen. Another problem I noticed was that one of jar's lid was broken. I was quite surprised with so much of problem in mixer, as in the past I had purchased many appliances from your shop and never experienced any default so far. Hence, I phoned the shop but after informing the supervisor he told that it will take long time to resolve this issue and also they don't have same product with them.

I expect immediate action to be taken on your side to resolve this issue and I want an replacement to be done at the earliest.

Expecting prompt response.

Yours faithfully,

Sweta m

[allen_zhang]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing[ to you ]to express my dissatisfaction regarding a Juicer mixer that I had bought from your shop last week on March 15th.

The first malfunction was that （the）mixer was not starting properly at（my first attempt. Also the switch was quite hard making it difficult to operate. （what does this mean？）After various attempts it finally started but （it）was making loud noise which usually should not happen. Another problem I noticed was that one of（the） jar's lid was broken. I was quite surprised with so much （many）of（remove it） problem（problems） in (this)mixer, as in the past I had purchased many appliances from your shop and never experienced any default so far. Hence, I phoned the shop but after informing the supervisor he told(me) that it will take long time to resolve this issue and also they don't have same product with them.(they do not have replacements for this product)

I expect immediate action to be taken on your side to resolve this issue and I want an replacement to be done at the earliest.

Expecting prompt response.

Yours faithfully,

Sweta m



You have problem with articles.

Do not use abbreviation in a formal letter.

[swetam]

Thanks Allen_zhang.
I will take care of it. Can you grade the task too, so that I can understand how I can improve myself.