Hi David - Please assess my writing task 2 - overpopulation

[ieltslearner]

One of the most pressing problems facing the world today is overpopulation. What policies do you believe governments should adopt to address the causes and effects of this problem?

The constant rise in world population is a growing cause of concern for international regimes in current times. There are some strategies that can be adopted by administrations to counter this problem, as this essay intends to highlight.

One of the principal problems culminating from overpopulation is overcrowded cities. The influx of people, seeking improved lifestyles, into developed countries increases the amount of people utilizing the public transport system, for example. This results in congestion in buses and trains during peak hours. Conversely, the issues are of a different nature in developing nations. Inhabitants of those lands are deprived of basic necessities such as food and shelter. Compounded by ignorant couples having more children, it gets even tougher. As a result, this gives rise to poverty and hunger.

However, there are measures which governments can employ to alleviate such concerns. Firstly, stringent immigration laws can be put in place to control the number of immigrants into a city. For example, in countries such as Australia, the government can introduce a quota system which will allow for even distribution of the quantity of overseas professionals within separate states such as NSW and WA. Additionally, to mitigate the problem of poverty and hunger in underprivileged nations such as Africa, central governments can educate the residents on family planning methods by engaging social workers to visit villages and townships to raise awareness among the local population. These volunteers can distribute pamphlets and provide personal counseling to locals on family planning techniques and its implications.

In conclusion, the ever increasing world population has caused global outcry and poses problems such as congestion in cities and substandard living conditions in rural areas. However, state organizations can impose policies such as controlled migration and educating the masses on the importance of family planning to somewhat restrain the aggravating situation.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Let's take a look at some of your points.

1. I think that highlighting public transport when discussing traffic problems is a little strange. Aren't cars the main problem?

2. Places where people are deprived of food and shelter are almost always in war zones.

3. Is it ignorant of people to have more kids, or is simply that they need them to work and/or it's because so many kids die young?

4. When discussing overpopulation, I think that Australia is a strange example. I mean, isn't Bangladesh more overpopulated than Australia, for example? Besides, Australia is wealthy, so where's the problem?

5. Telling people to have fewer children will not make them have fewer children. It's the environment that they live in that's the problem.

Grammar is suspiciously good.

All the best,
David

[ieltslearner]

Hi David, Appreciate your response

In point 1) I did not mention traffic problem but congestion in buses and trains in places such as Singapore or Thailand during peak hours. Wouldn't that be a reasonable cause of overpopulation?

Also please advise what you mean when you say the grammar is 'suspiciously' good. Thanks for all your help rendered.

[Flick]

One of the most pressing problems facing the world today is overpopulation. What policies do you believe governments should adopt to address the causes and effects of this problem?

The constant rise in world population is a growing cause for concern for international regimes in current times. There are some strategies that can be adopted by administrations to counter this problem, as this essay intends to highlight.

One of the principal problems culminating from overpopulation is overcrowded cities. The influx of people, seeking improved lifestyles, into developed countries increases the amount of people utilizing the public transport system, for example. This results in congestion in buses and trains during peak hours. Conversely, the issues are of a different nature in developing nations. Inhabitants of those lands are deprived of basic necessities such as food and shelter. Compounded by ignorant couples having more children, it gets even tougher. As a result, this gives rise to poverty and hunger.

However, there are measures which governments can employ to alleviate such concerns. Firstly, stringent immigration laws can be put in place to control the number of immigrants into a city. For example, in countries such as Australia, the government can introduce a quota system which will allow for even distribution of the quantity of overseas professionals within separate states such as NSW and WA. Additionally, to mitigate the problem of poverty and hunger in underprivileged nations such as Africa, central governments can educate the residents on family planning methods by engaging social workers to visit villages and townships to raise awareness among the local population. These workers can distribute pamphlets and provide personal counseling to locals on family planning techniques and its implications.

In conclusion, the ever-increasing world population has caused global outcry and poses problems such as congestion in cities and substandard living conditions in rural areas. However, state organizations can impose policies such as controlled migration and educating the masses on the importance of family planning to somewhat restrain the aggravating situation.