David please check my writing need 7+

[Qasim]

""Please give me score because my paper is in this week""

Many people spend a lot of money on cloths, haircuts, and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think that it is a better way to spend it.
Do what agree or disagree with the statement

Nowadays people are investing huge amounts of dosh on the betterment of their physical appearance, especially on cloths, hairstyles and on several beauty enhancement products. Whereas some people believe that there is a better way to consume money instead of spending on beauty products. I agree with this statement people should spend money on their education, family lifestyle and charity. I will discuss both viewpoints in detail.

In this contemporary epoch, people are spending huge amount on their physical improvement, because they feel looking awesome will help their chances to grow in professional field and having beautiful and tremendous body will make them famous in social network sites where people upload their pictures. Therefore people spend money on their outlook. Moreover people believe that there body looks are the main cause of their success and for this reason they keep improving it. In my opinion, I believe people with desired skills will get positive response from management and it does not matter if they are average in shape. Nowadays, people also spending huge amount in cosmetic surgeries for beautiful body, but approach may cause problems in latter stages of healthy life.

Some people also believe that, people should spend money on other things. Firstly they can spend money on improving their education and get a better job or promotion. Secondly they can also provide their family a good healthy lifestyle. Instead of spending on useless items people can also purchase an insurance plan for their juveniles. Lastly if someone is filthy rich he can denote money to different charities and help poor people in their vicinity. This approach can also help in building a better society. However, good looks also have some advantages in job, marriage and in society. People can improve their physical appearance by better diet and regular exercise.

In conclusion, I believe, people should invest on such things which will provide benefit in future life. As discussed above, people can spend on their clothes, haircuts and on beauty products, but do not totally rely on that stuff. People should invest in academics, family and friends so they can enjoy better life.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

'dosh' is too informal

'epoch' is a very long period of time. Which period do you mean?

Do 'people' (i.e. the vast majority of people) really believe that their looks are the main reason for their success? I never heard Steve Jobs, Barack Obama, Mark Zuckerberg or Christiano Ronaldo say this.

I find the next paragraph a bit difficult to read. you jump from education to consumerism to charities in a very unclear manner.

Overall, a weak essay, I'm afraid. Points are unclear, untrue and/or undeveloped.

All the best,
David

[Qasim]

Thank you for evaluating my writing. i will try to write a better essay in exam with clear ideas.

[Flick]

Many people spend a lot of money on cloths, haircuts, and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think that it is a better way to spend it.
Do what agree or disagree with the statement

Nowadays, people are investing huge amounts of money on the betterment of their physical appearance, especially on clothes, hairstyles and on beauty enhancement products. However, other people believe that there is a better way to use money instead of spending it on beauty products. I agree with the statement people should spend money on their education, family, lifestyle and charity. I will discuss both viewpoints in detail.

In this contemporary age, people are spending huge amounts on their physical appearance because they feel looking good will help their chances to grow in their professional field, and having a beautiful and tremendous body will make them famous on social network sites where people upload their pictures. Therefore, people spend money on their physical appearance. Moreover, people believe that their looks are the main cause of their success and for this reason, they keep improving it. In my opinion, I believe people with the desired skills will get positive response from management and it does not matter if they are average in shape. Nowadays, people also spend huge amounts on cosmetic surgeries for a beautiful body, but this approach may cause problems later in life.

Some people also believe that people should spend money on other things. Firstly, they can spend money on improving their education in order to get a better job or promotion. Secondly, they can also provide their family with a good, healthy lifestyle. Instead of spending on useless items, people can also purchase an insurance plan for their children. Lastly, if someone is filthy rich he can donate money to different charities and help poor people in his area. This approach can also help in building a better society. However, good looks also have some advantages in job success, marriage and in society. People can improve their physical appearance by better diet and regular exercise.

In conclusion, I believe, people should invest in such things which will provide benefits in their future life. As discussed above, people can spend on their clothes, haircuts and on beauty products, but should not totally rely on that stuff. People should invest in academics, family and friends so they can enjoy a better, happier life.