Task 2 - writing test. What band score would this essay be?

[ivan]

In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important.
This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life.

Do you agree or disagree?


Multinational companies have spread around the globe. This is happening mainly because of globalization. The simple theory lies beyond the products with cheap production and high sales value.

To begin with, the widely available internet has played the role of influencing globalization. Within the past decade, these companies took advantage in exposing their products through internet resources. Hence, more demand in products is required by consumers. It is true that some might say what would be the issue. In contrary, the issue involves the true product value is not on par with the sales value. However, consumers are made believe that the price for the product is valuable.

To clarify, most of multination company’s products are made cheaply at third world country. It is a fact that labor cost is low, but they were forcefully being accepted to work for more than 15hours a day in a poor ventilated factory. This inhumane culture is degrading and made shame of what human rights we all ask for. With no doubt, some may say that these companies are assisting the growth of economy towards third world countries. But I do not believe in such way. Furthermore, if this practice is not controlled properly, I see the potential of these companies conquering the entire market and would be harmful to small businesses. In result, we were left with no choice but to purchase from the same company.

With the above mentioned points, I hope that the community would go against the multinational companies in purchasing cheap good but support the local produces. This needs immediate attention from the government to work closely in controlling the situation for a better future.

[andytruong1202]

In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important.
This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life.

Do you agree or disagree?


Multinational companies have spread around the globe. This is happening mainly because of globalization. The simple theory lies beyond the products with cheap production and high sales value. UNclear Introduction

To begin with, the internet has played the role of influencing globalization (what makes you put the Internet here?). Within the past decade, these companies took advantage in exposing their products through internet resources (Irrelevant). Hence, more demand in products is required by consumers (So what?). It is true that some might say what would be the issue (Nonsense). In contrary, the issue involves the true product value is not on par with the sales value (what about this?). However, consumers are made believe that the price for the product is valuable (what point are you trying to make here?).

Inappropriate use of words

To clarify, most of multinational company’s products are made cheaply at third world country (what idea are you trying to say here?). It is a fact that labor cost is low, but they were forcefully being accepted to work for more than 15hours a day in a poor ventilated factory. This inhumane culture is degrading and made shame of what human rights we all ask for. With no doubt, some may say that these companies are assisting the growth of economy towards third world countries. But I do not believe in such way. Furthermore, if this practice is not controlled properly, I see the potential of these companies conquering the entire market and would be harmful to small businesses. In result, we were left with no choice but to purchase from the same company.

With the above mentioned points, I hope that the community would go against the multinational companies in purchasing cheap good but support the local produces. This needs immediate attention from the government to work closely in controlling the situation for a better future.

You need to read the question thoroughly before start writing. Should answer the question directly. Question asked do you agree or not?

So your answer should be whether you agree or disagree. Then, give your reasons for why you agree or disagree. For example,

Introduction: I agree

Body 1: Reason 1, why you agree
Body 2: Reason 2 , why you agree

This essay would give you a 5+