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Please, give your comment, exam in 3 weeks

Posted: Mon May 02, 2016 12:22 pm
by mkhitaryan
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Top sports people have higher remuneration for their performance than professionals in other fields. Many people believe that it is a reasonable pay for their work, whereas others strongly disagree with the notion equalizing it with unfair treatment. These opinions will be discussed in this essay in this order.

With the development of modern technologies and media broadcasting, professional athletes become more popular, respected and have more followers among both children and adults. This huge attention and responsibility demand significant effort from top players to hone their skills to perform better in any match. The cost that they pay in a form of super effort results in a corresponding financial remuneration. Many people support this view and are sure that it is fair pay for athletes’ endeavor.

In contrast, some people believe that there are more vital professions (e.g., doctors, lawyers, and teachers) which deserve higher wages. For example, doctors are responsible for patients’ health and, in emergency cases, for their life, while professional athletes entertain people. It can be claimed from the example that doctors play a more vital role in the society and should be paid based on their social status.

To conclude, professional athletes have higher salaries than people in other essential professions. There are both supporters and opponents of the fairness of this remuneration scheme. In my opinion, people should be paid based on the importance of their work for the society. I strongly agree with the opponents of the reviewed claim as the priorities and remuneration are not ordered fairly. People in primary professions should be paid more reasonable salary for their performed job.

Re: Please, give your comment, exam in 3 weeks

Posted: Tue May 03, 2016 7:48 am
by David.IELTS.Examiner
Hello!

Some phrasing is unclear ...

1. Are top sports people paid for their ENDEAVOUR or for their RESULTS?
2. Social status and the ability to save lives are not the same thing.
3. Are all doctors paid less than all sports people?
4. How do we judge the importance of a person's work? There are many people taking IELTS who think that street cleaners should earn more than doctors.
5. Primary profession? Reasonable?

I think that there are enough problems with vocabulary to make the essay hard to understand in places. Ideas are certainly not developed and the lack of grammatical range, particularly modals and conditionals, means that most of the essay is a list of assertions rather than the presentation of a coherent argument.

All the best,
David