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Some people believe that computers have made our world a better place. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


My answer:
More and more people use computers now, no matter in schools or at work. From my perspective, computer usage has allowed people to live in a more efficient and harmonious way. Using computers saves people's time and makes it possible for people to get to know about foreign cultures.

Computers have made people all over the world feel closer to each other. Reading news on the Internet lets people know what is happening in the world and get to know other countries. There are websites where people can talk about a wide range of things like politics, sports and science with people from different countries. In the past, when we don't have computers, people in China had no idea about Americans because they couldn't talk to any American. With computers, even Chinese still live far from the U.S.A, they can make friends with American people online and communicate with them.

Also, people can do many things in an easier way with computers. If a person wants to learn a language or a skill, he doesn't need to go to a school or attend classes because there're many courses offered online so people can study anything they want without stepping out. Students can solve problems they have by talking to people who are on the same subject with computers. Communications between scholars can help to develop new technologies. In fact, experts from different countries working together is not rare with computers.

However, computers have bad influences on people, too. Children can be addicted to computer games then lose their interests in studying. Even worse, there are criminals selling illegal things like drugs and weapons by computers, and they're sometimes untraceable.

I believe the computer has brought us more benefits, for it has given people chances to do what they couldn't do in the past. People can communicate with others easily and work more efficiently with their computers, which does make our world a better place.


PS: I need to achieve at least band 6.5, can you tell me how many scores can I get out of nine please?

Hello!

Good introduction. You clearly state which aspects of this large topic you will focus on.

The general point in the first main paragraph is good, but the example is not. The Americans helped the Chinese during WW2, so how did that work?

The second main paragraph simply defies known facts. Why do so many Chinese people want to study abroad if they don't need to?

The third main paragraph makes good points, but is too short.

Good conclusion.

Overall, make sure that your arguments are good. The use of modals and conditionals is particularly useful for this.

All the best,
David