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You have recently ordered an item through the Internet, but are not happy with the purchase. Write to the company. In your letter:

- describe what you purchased,
- explain why you are not happy with the purchase,
- tell them what you would like them to do about the situation.

Dear Sir or Madam,

Last week on March 31st monday, I searched online,
found your website, and ordered for the purchase of apple
iphone 5 under order number 43562PN. Unfortunately, I had a very
negative experience due to your poor delivery service and the
item i received.

At the time of purchase, I was told that my
iphone will be delivered within two days and i was very excited
to know about this. However, it took more than fifteen days for
my purchased item to reach me. It has left a very negative
image of your delivery service on my mind and i am very
displeased with it.

Secondly, I have ordered for an iphone with
complete accessories including charger, memory card and a
headphone. However, i did not find any headphone
with my iphone and i was very disappointed.

I find this situation very inappropriate and i
would like you to send the missing items within a week.
I also want you to raise the standard of your delivery service
or else, in future nobody will purchase from your online store.

Yours sincerely,
Ahmad

AhmadMukhtiar wrote:You have recently ordered an item through the Internet, but are not happy with the purchase. Write to the company. In your letter:

- describe what you purchased,
- explain why you are not happy with the purchase,
- tell them what you would like them to do about the situation.

Dear Sir or Madam,

Last week on March 31st monday, I searched online,
found your website, and ordered for the purchase of apple
iphone 5 under order number 43562PN. Unfortunately, I had a very
negative experience due to your poor delivery service and the
item i received.

At the time of purchase, I was told that my
iphone will be delivered within two days and i was very excited
to know about this. However, it took more than fifteen days for
my purchased item to reach me. It has left a very negative
image of your delivery service on my mind and i am very
displeased with it.

Secondly, I have ordered for an iphone with
complete accessories including charger, memory card and a
headphone. However, i did not find any headphone
with my iphone and i was very disappointed.

I find this situation very inappropriate and i
would like you to send the missing items within a week.
I also want you to raise the standard of your delivery service
or else, in future nobody will purchase from your online store.

Yours sincerely,
Ahmad

(-)
Your paragraphs look like a poem.
Unable to use linking words to describe an event.
Avoid making absolute statements i.e how do you know no one will purchase from that store in the future?
Frequent occurrence of grammar mistakes.
Wrong word choices.
Need to give more details on what you purchased


(+)
Answer most of the questions.

Overall: 5.5+

AhmadMukhtiar wrote:Dear Sir or Madam,

On Monday 31st March (Add the year), I purchased an Apple iPhone 5 from you and received an order number of 43562PN. Unfortunately, I had a very poor experience due to a sub-standard delivery service.

At the time of purchase, I was told that my new iPhone would be delivered to me within 2 days and I was very excited about this. However, in the end it took more than fifteen (For numbers over ten, write them in number form, ie. 15. Also give an exact number) days until I received the product. This left me with a very negative image of your delivery service I am very disappointed.

Secondly, when I ordered my iPhone, I was told that it would come with the complete range of accessories. However, when I opened up my package, I couldn't find any headphones which was very upsetting for me as I love to listen to music.

I find this situation very saddening and I would prefer it if you could send the missing items to me as soon as possible. I would also encourage your company to improve its delivery service. Otherwise, future customers may end up going elsewhere for their goods.

Yours sincerely, (Leave a gap between your sign off and your name)

Ahmad <<< (Include your full name here)

Like andytruong1202 states above, your letter does look like a poem. Rather than changing each individual sentence, I re-wrote the whole thing.

I hope you enjoy my improvements.

Thank you for your correction. I have learnt some good things.

My version:

You have recently ordered an item through the Internet, but are not happy with the purchase. Write to the company. In your letter:

- describe what you purchased,
- explain why you are not happy with the purchase,
- tell them what you would like them to do about the situation.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing with regard to a toy I bought from your online shop recently.

Last week, I bought a toy racing car from you website as a birthday gift for my son. I tried it right after I received it two days later and everything just looked fine. I was happy and planned to surprise my son after he got back from school. However, just several hours later, when I was trying to show it to my son, it suddenly stopped running. The LEDs on the remote and the car kept blinking but the car did not move at all. I tried to change the batteries but it didn't help.

Since I have lost my confidence about this toy car, I would like to return it rather than any replacement. I also hope you can refund me for the courier fair.

I look forward to receiving your response.

Yours faithfully,

Allen Zhang