Could you help me to find my mistakes according to the IELTS TA LR GR CC

[Mr Azik]

As people in cities are becoming richer, more of them can afford to buy cars. In consequence city centers are becoming more congested and polluted all over the world. What are the main causes of these problems and what are the solutions.

Recently, one of the main problems of cities, traffic congestion is exaggerating around the globe year-by-year. There are a number of reasons for this issue, but the most triggers are insufficient roads and surplus number of produced cars. In later paragraphs, these causes will be analyzed in details and will be given optimal solutions.
Initially, most streets in megacities and cities were originally built for horses and bicycles which were the main transports of the dwellers1 or 2 centuries ago. Clearly, they can not afford more than 4 cars to drive at once and indeed, qualities of them are not sustainable to both drivers and ecosystem of these urban areas. By repairing or entirely reconstructing of these narrow and outdated roads and streets problem can easily be solved. Singapore can act as the model for this situation. There quality and width of roads were inferior about two or three decades ago. By reconstructing them, percentage of car accidents and jams dropped by 45 % last year.
Admittedly, car producers are producing exceed number of their products which are another main cause of this traffic jam in city centers. In Dubai for example, the proportion of cars are equal to 2 cars per person. Actionable solution of this condition is implementing new tax system which makes car owners to pay extra for driving in city centers and car producer to pay extra for each car after 1000th . By doing this, extra money can use for rehabilitation of the city environment and the number of cars and owners will reduce significantly.
After analyzing the main causes of traffic jams in cities it becomes clear that the main reasons of this problems are unsustainable city streets and outnumbered cars. Respectively, the best solutions can be reforming these unsustainable city streets and implementation of new tax system for drivers and car producers.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

"more than 4 cars to drive at once" - ????

You'll have to explain the Singaporean example as that country has introduced multiple measures and you therefore need to show road widening has been the key one. A quick look at the Singaporean government website shows that accidents have not fallen 45% in the last year.

Your Dubai stats are the wrong way round - there is one car for every two people.

Task - Weak. Examples are incorrect. Arguments are not developed.

Coherence - A reasonable range of connectives is used correctly, but sentences often do not flow together well.

Vocabulary - Often unclear

Grammar - Numerous mistakes, although a reasonable range is attempted.

Overall, this essay needs a rethink

All the best,
David

[Flick]

As people in cities are becoming richer, more of them can afford to buy cars. In consequence city centers are becoming more congested and polluted all over the world. What are the main causes of these problems and what are the solutions.

Recently, one of the main problems of cities, traffic congestion, has been worsening around the globe year-by-year. There are a number of reasons for this issue, but the most common triggers are insufficient roads and surplus number of produced cars. In later paragraphs, these causes will be analyzed in detail and will be given optimal solutions.

Initially, most streets in megacities and cities were originally built for horses and bicycles, which were the main methods of transport 1 or 2 centuries ago. Clearly, they can not afford more than 4 cars to drive at once and indeed, qualities of them are not sustainable to both drivers and ecosystem of these urban areas.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) By repairing or entirely reconstructing these narrow and outdated roads and streets, this problem can easily be solved. Singapore can act as the model for this situation. The quality and width of roads were inferior about two or three decades ago. By reconstructing them, the percentage of car accidents and jams dropped by 45% last year.

Admittedly, car producers are producing excessive numbers of their products, which are another main cause of traffic jams in city centers. In Dubai for example, the proportion of cars are equal to 2 cars per person. An actionable solution of this condition is implementing a new tax system which makes car owners pay extra for driving in city centers and car producers pay extra for each car after the 1000th. By doing this, extra money can be used for the rehabilitation of the city environment and the number of cars and owners will reduce significantly.

After analyzing the main causes of traffic jams in cities it becomes clear that the main reasons for this problem are unsustainable city streets and excessive numbers of cars. Respectively, the best solutions can be reforming these unsustainable city streets and implementation of a new tax system for drivers and car producers.