Rewrite The topic of task 1. Please help me to assess my writing. Thanks

[Jamy]

Dear,
I would like to rewrite this topic because my first writing on it was not good. Please assist me to evaluate and correct my mistakes
Thanks


The given chart represents the various purposes why adult people decide to study. Besides, the pie chart illustrates how the course should be funded by different resources.
According to the chart, the majority of adult people who prefer to get a study because of their interest in subject as well as their enhancing qualifications are sharply increased, around 40% and 38%. Nevertheless, other adult people tend to study for meeting people and looking for a new job is definitely the lowest with just under 12%. Furthermore, the number of adult people taking the courses with the aim of promoting their career as well as their adoration of study is the same around 20%. The last group of adult people study because of the benefits of the course reaches at 22%.
Moreover, the next graph provides obvious information about the way of education costs in every course. 40% of the cost should become the burden of individual. In contrast, Taxpayer is the lowest with exactly a quarter. Besides, 35% of the fee needs to be paid by employer.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, quite good. I think you have described the bar chart well, but the description of the pie chart is weak, mainly due to quite poor grammar and vocabulary. The pie charts says how people think the courses should be paid for (i.e. who should pay).

I appreciate that you have tried to paraphrase the bar chart labels, but 'adoration' and 'benefits' don't quite work. Sometimes it's just better to stick with the vocab provided.

All the best,
David