Writing Task 2 - Young leader

[jennyj]

Please have a look at it and feel free to comment on my writing. Your comments would be an essential elements for me to improve my writing.

The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people, but some people say that young people can also be leaders.
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There has been a common belief that older people should be the head of organizations; however, these days the average age of leaders in organizations has been witnessing a gradual decline. Many have changed their attitude toward the young and believe that young people can also be good at managing organizations. This recent belief may be well-supported and the following paragraphs will discuss the reasons why the young should be given opportunities to become leaders.
The essay will start with the advantages of young leaders. First of all, nowadays young leaders can have better influence on others than the older thanks to their great educational background. Specifically, the young are now able to attend a wide range of necessary and vital course to improve their knowledge, which might be harder for older people to do. As a result, they could be better-prepared for managing organizations than the older people. For instance, e-commerce is now a course or session that almost all economics students apply for when at university., providing them with both basic theories and examples of useful applications of e-commerce, while the older might not usually keep themselves updated with the new type of business. Secondly, the young’s enthusiasm and eagerness can also have positive impact on the organizations they are leading. They can manage all tasks with new fresh methods instead of outdated ways in order to improve the quality of the organizations’ work.
Some may argue that the young are lack of experiences in directing an organization. It may be partly true; nevertheless, young people can rapidly gain their experiences and also essential skills of a leader at their young age throughout several activities a school and university. Even if they are not the leaders or people in charge of organizing these activities, they can learn from their leader’s work and mistakes.In addition, young people may also be a staff member of the organization, resulting in their understanding of the organization’s mission and outlook. Therefore, they can gain enough knowledge and information to be great leaders.
In conclusion, although older people are still considered to be good leaders or directors of organizations, the young should be given chances to prove themselves as good leaders sometimes. They are now believed to be able to take full responsibility for managing a whole organization.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

You have answered the question well, with some good arguments and examples. You have used a good range of grammar, but accuracy is not so good. There is very good use of modals to express exact meaning. Vocabulary is good, with some nice terms, e.g. eagerness, e-commerce, fresh methods, outdated ways.

Overall, I would suggest it's time to dust off the grammar book, but the rest of the essay is of a good standard.

All the best,
David

[jennyj]

Thanks for reading and checking my work, David. I should really work harder on grammar

[Flick]

The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people, but some people say that young people can also be leaders.
~~
There has been a common belief that older people should be the head of organizations. However, these days the average age of leaders in organizations has been decreasing. Many have changed their attitude toward the young and believe that young people can also be good at managing organizations. This recent belief may be well-supported and the following paragraphs will discuss the reasons why the young should be given opportunities to become leaders.

This essay will start with the advantages of young leaders. First of all, nowadays young leaders can influence others better than older leaders thanks to their great educational background. Specifically, the young are now able to attend a wide range of necessary and vital courses to improve their knowledge, which might be harder for older people to do. As a result, they could be better-prepared for managing organizations than older people. For instance, e-commerce is now a course or session that almost all economics students apply for when at university, providing them with both basic theories and examples of useful applications of e-commerce, while the older generation might not keep up to date with this new type of business. Secondly, the young’s enthusiasm and eagerness can also have a positive impact on the organizations they are leading. They can manage all tasks with fresh methods instead of outdated ways in order to improve the quality of the organization's work.

Some may argue that the young lack experience in directing an organization. This may be partly true; nevertheless, young people can rapidly gain experience and also essential leadership skills at a young age throughout several activities at school and university. Even if they are not the leaders or people in charge of organizing these activities, they can learn from their leader’s work and mistakes. In addition, young people may also be a staff member of the organization, resulting in their understanding of the organization’s mission and outlook. Therefore, they can gain enough knowledge and information to be great leaders.

In conclusion, although older people are still considered to be good leaders or directors of organizations, the young should be given chances to prove themselves as good leaders as well. They are now believed to be able to take full responsibility for managing a whole organization.