Please evaluate my writing (task 1 acad)
Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 7:11 am
Hey everyone! I'll be taking the IELTS (academic module) in a couple of days and it'd be great if you could provide some feedback on my one of my weakest points, Academic Writing. Both tasks were completed in less than 20 minutes. Thanks everyone! 
1.
These two diagrams illustrate and differentiate the processes involved in producing cement and concrete. In cement production, lime and clay pass through a crusher to make a powder mixture which then pass through a mixer. Heat is rotated around the mixture during this process. Afterwards, the mixture is grinded down further to produce the cement, which is then packed in bags at the end of the process. This process in highly different from concrete production, which uses a mixture of 15% cement, 10% water, 25% sand and 50% gravel, or small stones. These ingredients are all mixed inside a concrete mixer, with no crushing, heating or grinding involved. The process in making concrete does not end with the final product being packed in bags, unlike cement production. Also, the concrete production involves mixing only a few ingredients, while cement production uses fewer ingredients and more mechanical processes such as crushing and grinding these ingredients and applying heat to create the final product.
2.
These charts describe the annual total school spending in a UK school during the years 1981, 1991 and 2001. In those years, the largest expenditure went to Teacher's salaries, with the largest spending in 1991 at 50%, compared to 1981's spending of 40% and 45% in 2001. The amount spent on insurance also rose substantially over time, from 2% in 1981 and reaching as high as 8% in 2001. The biggest decrease in spending was observed in Resources, such as books and other school materials. In 1991, 20% was spent on these resources, a slight increase from 15% in 1991, but still noticeably higher than the 9% spending recorded in 2001. Another dip is noted in spending on other worker's salaries. The highest spending note was in 1981 at 28%, it gradually decreased to 22% during 1991 and went further down to 15% in 2001. One remarkable observation in these graphs is the increase in spending on Furniture and equipment, with the highest spending made in 2001 at 23%, from 5% in 1991 after having been decreased from 15% in 1991. Overall, the largest annual spending goes to salaries with no dramatic increase or decrease over the years, while spending on Furniture and equipment steadily grew within the periods observed.
1.
These two diagrams illustrate and differentiate the processes involved in producing cement and concrete. In cement production, lime and clay pass through a crusher to make a powder mixture which then pass through a mixer. Heat is rotated around the mixture during this process. Afterwards, the mixture is grinded down further to produce the cement, which is then packed in bags at the end of the process. This process in highly different from concrete production, which uses a mixture of 15% cement, 10% water, 25% sand and 50% gravel, or small stones. These ingredients are all mixed inside a concrete mixer, with no crushing, heating or grinding involved. The process in making concrete does not end with the final product being packed in bags, unlike cement production. Also, the concrete production involves mixing only a few ingredients, while cement production uses fewer ingredients and more mechanical processes such as crushing and grinding these ingredients and applying heat to create the final product.
2.
These charts describe the annual total school spending in a UK school during the years 1981, 1991 and 2001. In those years, the largest expenditure went to Teacher's salaries, with the largest spending in 1991 at 50%, compared to 1981's spending of 40% and 45% in 2001. The amount spent on insurance also rose substantially over time, from 2% in 1981 and reaching as high as 8% in 2001. The biggest decrease in spending was observed in Resources, such as books and other school materials. In 1991, 20% was spent on these resources, a slight increase from 15% in 1991, but still noticeably higher than the 9% spending recorded in 2001. Another dip is noted in spending on other worker's salaries. The highest spending note was in 1981 at 28%, it gradually decreased to 22% during 1991 and went further down to 15% in 2001. One remarkable observation in these graphs is the increase in spending on Furniture and equipment, with the highest spending made in 2001 at 23%, from 5% in 1991 after having been decreased from 15% in 1991. Overall, the largest annual spending goes to salaries with no dramatic increase or decrease over the years, while spending on Furniture and equipment steadily grew within the periods observed.