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KINDLY EVAULATE MY INTRODUCTION

Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2016 8:58 am
by dauntless_donna
Do you agree or disagree that it is almost impossible for women to have a successful career as well as having the full responsibility of raising a family.


Today, we are living in a fast-paced society that is sometimes difficult to catch up. With this, women are claimed not to succeed on attaining a full pledge and established career together with taking a full account on familial responsibilities. In my point of view, I agree with this claim as success in a career requires imminent focus while raising a family also entails countless liabilities, which can not goes hand in hand.

*** Can u help me if my introduction is written correctly and did i cover all the task?
can u help me also how to start my body paragraph because i am really having difficulties starting my essays :(

thank you so much!

Re: KINDLY EVAULATE MY INTRODUCTION

Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 3:35 am
by David.IELTS.Examiner
Hello!

I think that this is basically a reasonable introduction, but there are several problems with vocabulary ...

1. 'catch up' is too informal
2. pledge?
3. established career?
4. imminent focus?
5. 'hand in hand' is too informal

All the best,
David