IELTSNetwork.com

Hi this is my very first attempt. Please critique it.

http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/download/file.php?id=120

Hi, and thank you for sharing your speech about helping someone. This student you helped sounds like a hard-working individual.
Your transitions and organization in the speech were good. I enjoyed your introduction and conclusion, especially. You ended the speech in such a way that it brought the listener’s mind to the larger picture of helping people in the world without going too much off-topic.
Be careful with the verb tenses you use. Since you are telling a story, your verbs should be in the past tense. For example, you said, “I just lend,” which should have been, “I just lent.” You also said, “After he get admitted,” which should have been, “After he was admitted.” You could also have put “I feel very good by helping him” into the past tense by using “felt.”
At the beginning, your fluency was a bit low due to the rate of speech. It picked up later. Be confident in your abilities from the very beginning, and your fluency will be stronger.
I thought I heard you say “moneys” during the speech, but make sure you are just using the singular form of the noun “money.” Money is a non-count noun, so we don’t pluralize it by making it “moneys.”
At a couple of points, I had a hard time understanding what you were saying because of pronunciation. In particular, “That student is a good ? and ? some service,” which was toward the end of the speech.
Your vocabulary was good throughout the speech, and I encourage you to try to find the most specific word for each word that you can to earn the highest scores.
Thanks again, and best wishes as you continue to practice!

Thank you very much for your analysis. It was very helpful.