Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents.
What is the reason for this?
What problems can this cause?
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Family has always been the most essential unit of the society. This is where harmony, peace and love start to be learned and appreciated by each one of us. Time is required for us to realize the essence of having a family however, because of some reasons that the world obliges us to do in order to provide the physical needs of our family, the time that should be spent with them especially our children becomes insufficient.
In the modern world today everyone has been required to work hard especially the parents for them to sustain the needs of their own family. Everybody is trying to work hard in order to survive. Due to this they are unable to provide enough time to spend to their children for recreations, expressing their love and care and even guiding their children in their school assignments and activities due to busy jobs. After their office works, the parents are getting exhausted and thus instead of spending their time for their children they would prefer to take their time to rest to be prepared again for another tiring day at work.
Since their parents are unable to provide enough emotional support , children would prefer to spend time with their peers and in some other activities such as computer gaming and bar hopping instead of indulging their time for their parents or family. Due to lack of attention and time since children are inadequately provided with love and care, tendency is they would find ways to divert their attention to some activities that could possibly harm them like drug addiction , cutting classes , alcoholism and even unable to give enough interest in their studies.
As a conclusion, family must be given enough importance by giving them sufficient time. Even simple gestures like eating dinner together, giving them emotional support, assisting their children in their school assignments matter. Adequate time, attention and love are compulsory to have a joyful, harmonious and healthy family.
IELTS Task 2 .. Kindly asses Sir! Thank you!
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nerieryanc
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
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Re: IELTS Task 2 .. Kindly asses Sir! Thank you!
Hello!
'Kindly asses'! Fantastic!
I get essays on this topic quite a lot and there are points that I like to raise ...
1. The fact that people work HARD does not automatically mean that they work long hours.
2. Not everyone works hard or long hours.
3. Do people NEED to work such long hours (if they work them)?
4. Is working long hours a decision made by individuals? As a consequence, can they blame anyone but themselves?
5. Is family really so important if people are so easily convinced not to spend time with family?
These are uncomfortable questions, because it means that people really need to reassess their perspectives on life. My opinion is blunt and simple. If you don't have time for your kids, don't have them!!!
So, to your essay ...
1. "everyone has been required to work hard" Untrue.
2. "because of some reasons that the world obliges us to do in order to provide the physical needs of our family, the time that should be spent with them especially our children becomes insufficient" Untrue, especially because you refer to the PHYSICAL needs.
3. "After their office works, the parents are getting exhausted and thus instead of spending their time for their children they would prefer to take their time to rest" Why not relax with their kids?
4. "Since their parents are unable to provide enough emotional support , children would prefer to spend time with their peers and in some other activities" Not true. Kids spend time with their friends because they have similar interests.
5. " bar hopping" Which children are you talking about?
6. "As a conclusion, family must be given enough importance by giving them sufficient time. Even simple gestures like eating dinner together, giving them emotional support, assisting their children in their school assignments matter." Not a bad conclusion, but it does not connect with what you have written in the main paragraphs. If work is the problem, you need to refer to it in the conclusion.
Overall, not a great essay, but no worse than most that I have seen on this topic.
All the best,
David
'Kindly asses'! Fantastic!
I get essays on this topic quite a lot and there are points that I like to raise ...
1. The fact that people work HARD does not automatically mean that they work long hours.
2. Not everyone works hard or long hours.
3. Do people NEED to work such long hours (if they work them)?
4. Is working long hours a decision made by individuals? As a consequence, can they blame anyone but themselves?
5. Is family really so important if people are so easily convinced not to spend time with family?
These are uncomfortable questions, because it means that people really need to reassess their perspectives on life. My opinion is blunt and simple. If you don't have time for your kids, don't have them!!!
So, to your essay ...
1. "everyone has been required to work hard" Untrue.
2. "because of some reasons that the world obliges us to do in order to provide the physical needs of our family, the time that should be spent with them especially our children becomes insufficient" Untrue, especially because you refer to the PHYSICAL needs.
3. "After their office works, the parents are getting exhausted and thus instead of spending their time for their children they would prefer to take their time to rest" Why not relax with their kids?
4. "Since their parents are unable to provide enough emotional support , children would prefer to spend time with their peers and in some other activities" Not true. Kids spend time with their friends because they have similar interests.
5. " bar hopping" Which children are you talking about?
6. "As a conclusion, family must be given enough importance by giving them sufficient time. Even simple gestures like eating dinner together, giving them emotional support, assisting their children in their school assignments matter." Not a bad conclusion, but it does not connect with what you have written in the main paragraphs. If work is the problem, you need to refer to it in the conclusion.
Overall, not a great essay, but no worse than most that I have seen on this topic.
All the best,
David
Re: IELTS Task 2 .. Kindly asses Sir! Thank you!
nerieryanc wrote:Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents.
What is the reason for this?
What problems can this cause?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Family has always been the most essential unit of the society. This is where harmony, peace and love are learned and appreciated by each one of us. Time is required for us to realize the importance of having a family. However, because of various reasons, in order to provide for the physical needs of our family, time that should be spent with family, especially our children, is often used doing other things.
Nowadays, everyone is required to work hard, especially parents, to sustain their family. Everybody is trying to work hard in order to survive. Due to this, they are unable to spend time with their children for recreation, expressing their love and care, and even guiding their children in their school assignments and activities. After working all day, parents are exhausted and thus instead of spending time with their children they would prefer to rest to be prepared for another tiring day at work.
Since their parents are unable to provide enough emotional support, children prefer to spend time with their peers doing activities such as computer gaming and bar hopping instead of spending time with their parents or family. Due to lack of attention and time since children are inadequately provided with love and care, tendency is they would find ways to divert their attention to some activities that could possibly harm them like drug addiction , cutting classes , alcoholism and even unable to give enough interest in their studies.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)
In conclusion, family must be a priority in everybody's life. Even simple gestures like eating dinner together, giving emotional support, assisting their children in their school assignments. Adequate time, attention and love are compulsory to have a joyful, harmonious and healthy family.