Please assess my writing task 2

[hemantsharma90]

Some international companies are very powerful now and many people believe that it is a negative development. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your reasons and relevant examples.

Many multi-national companies expanding their business in other countries to become market leaders. Many feel that it has some serious drawbacks. However, I disagree with the statement. I personally think that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The same is explained below.

To begin with, many international companies are trying to be monopolist which could affect the market negatively. Since after monopoly, they can influence market dynamics according to their needs to gain more profit. For example, Bharti Airtel who is market leader in India in telecommunication industry, have many times hiked tariffs for its customers and because of lack of substitutes, people have to accept it. Furthermore, such large organizations can be a barrier for new startups as they might lack investments and strategies and hence cannot capitalize. Moreover, such companies take money of out of the country. This could impact country’s economy and foreign reserves.

Despite the above argument, there are many benefits of these. Firstly, these companies have global presence which means on one side they bring new technologies in the country and on other side offer good quality products to maintain or even improve the brand reputation in the market place. Secondly, new jobs will be created by these companies and they often provide good work environment for its employees. For instance, as per a recent survey, Google is considered to be the best company to work for in India. These reports encourage people especially adults to work in such good atmosphere. Last but not least, these associations delight their customers with pre and post sales services which is big plus point for them.

To conclude, every coin has two sides and this one is no exception. I personally believe that it will be more beneficial if we continue to attract such companies towards our country. This will further help to grow our economy.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

You fell into a little trap in the first paragraph. The reason for monopolies is often related to government policy. Does the Indian government allow foreign competitors into the market? Are there 'strong links' between the company and the government?

Ah, OK, after you wrote the Bharti Airtel had 'a global presence', I checked online, because I had never heard of the company. It seems that you are wrong about them having a monopoly. Wikipedia lists 10 competitors in India.

How do they 'improve the brand reputation of the market place'? I'll be honest and admit that I don't know why it's a good thing. (And you haven't explained it!)

Do these companies always create jobs? Do they take jobs away from smaller companies?

In the conclusion, you fail to explain why bigger companies are better for the economy than smaller ones.

Overall, a weak essay. The high standard of grammar gives the impression of a solid essay, but meaning is generally unclear and your points are completely false. No evidence is provided at all.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Some international companies are very powerful now and many people believe that it is a negative development. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your reasons and relevant examples.

Some multi-national companies are expanding their business into other countries to become market leaders. Many feel that this has some serious drawbacks. However, I disagree with that statement. I personally think that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This viewpoint is explained below.

To begin with, many international companies are trying to gain a monopoly, which could affect the market negatively. Once a monopoly is achieved, the business can influence market dynamics according to their needs to gain more profit. For example, Bharti Airtel is market leader in India in the telecommunication industry, and has hiked tariffs many times for its customers. Due to a lack of substitutes, people have to accept the increased costs. Furthermore, such large organizations can be a barrier for new startups as they might lack investments and strategies and hence cannot capitalize. Moreover, such companies take money out of the country. This could impact the country’s economy and foreign reserves.

Despite the above argument, there are many benefits of monopolies. Firstly, these companies have a global presence which means on one side, they bring new technologies into the country and on the other side, they offer good quality products to maintain or even improve the brand reputation in the market place. Secondly, new jobs will be created by these companies and they often provide a good work environment for their employees. For instance, as per a recent survey, Google is considered to be the best company to work for in India. These reports encourage people to work in such a good atmosphere. Last but not least, these associations delight their customers with pre- and post-sales services which is big plus point for them.

To conclude, every coin has two sides and this issue is no exception. I personally believe that it will be more beneficial if we continue to attract such companies towards our country. This will further help to grow our economy.