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I rewrite this language essay, please kindly assess it.

Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2014 3:00 am
by allen_zhang
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It is believed by some experts that the best age for children to learn a second language is at primary school. While there are certain concerns against this idea, I personally agree with it.

On the one hand, I can understand why some people disapprove the idea of teaching a foreign language at primary school. One of the major concerns about it is that children have other more important subjects such as math, mother tongue language and science to learn at this age. Spending too much time on a new language could occupy children’s valuable and limited time on these subjects. Another reason why some people are against this practice is that learning a foreign language might delay the development of children’s first language. This is because children might be confused by switching between two languages.

However, I would argue that learning a foreign language at primary age is more beneficial to children than to learn it at a later age. Firstly, children learn languages faster at this age because they are less self-conscious and shy. They can quickly pick up the pronunciation and tone of a language through playing games or watching videos. Secondly, nowadays, a foreign language is just as important as any other subjects. Having a good command of a second language can better prepare children for their future education and employment in this era of globalization. For example, in China, teenagers with good English skills usually have better opportunities to apply for a university overseas.

To conclude, in spite of the possible disadvantages of learning a foreign language at primary school, it seems to me that the benefits of this practice far outweigh its drawbacks.

Re: I rewrite this language essay, please kindly assess it.

Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2014 7:21 am
by durai
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It is believed by some experts that the best age for children to learn a second language is at primary school. While there are certain concerns against this idea, I ( I wouldn't use personal pronoun , becoz the question doesn't ask for personal opinion, I believe , this is also some kind of off topic personally agree with it.

On the one hand, I ( avoid pronoun )can understand why some people disapprove the idea of teaching a foreign language at primary school. One of the major concerns about this is that children have other more important subjects such as maths ( "mathematics " could be better), mother ( language or tongue, not both language and science to learn at this ( you didn't mention what are the ages belong to primary school) age. Spending too much time on a new language would occupy children’s valuable and limited time on these subjects. Another reason why some people are against this practice is that learning a foreign language might delay the development of children’s first language. This is because children might be confused by switching between two languages.

However, I would argue that learning a foreign language at primary age is more beneficial to children than to learn it at a later age. Firstly, children learn languages faster at this age because they are less self-conscious and shy. They can quickly pick up the pronunciation and tone of a language through playing games or watching videos. Secondly, nowadays, a foreign language is just as important as any other subjects. Having a good command of a second language can better prepare children for their future education and employment in this era of globalization. For example, in China, teenagers with good English skills usually have better opportunities to apply for a university overseas.

To conclude, in spite of the possible disadvantages of learning a foreign language at primary school, it seems to me that the benefits of this practice far outweigh its drawbacks.
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There are not any grammar issues, but you didn't compare learning foreign language is better in primary or secondary.

Basically, benefits of learning foreign language at primary and secondar
then drawbacks of both.

then, give your conclusion. It looks you never talk about learning foreign language at secondary school

good lcuk

Re: I rewrite this language essay, please kindly assess it.

Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2014 7:46 am
by jegankgm
I my opinion, introduction and conclusion are contradicting with each other..

It is believed by some experts that the best age for children to learn a second language is at primary school. While[Eventhough,] there are certain concerns against this idea, I personally agree with it.

On the one hand, I can understand why some people disapprove the idea of teaching a foreign language at primary school. One of the major concerns about it is that children have other more important subjects such as math, mother tongue language and science to learn at this age. Spending too much time on a new language could occupy children’s valuable and limited time on these subjects( not much convincing, rephrase may required for this sentence)!. Another reason why some people are against this practice is that learning a foreign language might delay the development of children’s first language. This is because children might be confused by switching between two languages.

However, I would argue that learning a foreign language at primary age is more beneficial to children than to learn it at a later age. Firstly, children learn languages faster at this age because they are less self-conscious and shy(might be there should be alternative for shy, because i feel "less self conscious and shy" are opposite behavior). They can quickly pick up the pronunciation and tone of a language through playing games or watching videos. Secondly, nowadays, a foreign language is just as important as any other subjects. Having a good command of a second language can better prepare children for their future education and employment in this era of globalization. For example, in China, teenagers with good English skills usually have better opportunities to apply for a university overseas.

To conclude, in spite of the possible disadvantages of learning a foreign language at primary school, it seems to me that the benefits of this practice far outweigh its drawbacks.

Re: I rewrite this language essay, please kindly assess it.

Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2014 7:47 am
by allen_zhang
Hi Durai,
Thank you for your kind comments!
I agree with most of your comments.
1. avoid using personal pronun.
2. I need to change "to learn at a later age" to "to learn at secondary school".

Just one which I do not agree:
"mother tongue language" is a good phrase and I learned it from an IELTS teacher.


BR!
Allen

Re: I rewrite this language essay, please kindly assess it.

Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2014 7:56 am
by allen_zhang
Hi jegankgm,
Thank you for your kind comments.

" less self-conscious and shy" needs to be changed to "less self-conscious or shy".

Generally, Regarding this essay, I used an IELTS teacher's essay plan; I jut organized it and turned it to an essay. see below:

Here's our plan for a 4-paragraph essay:

Introduction: Topic = best age to learn a foreign language. Our opinion = better to learn at primary school age.
Disadvantages of learning languages at primary age:
other subjects are more important at that age (maths, mother tongue language, science),
learning a new language is confusing and wastes time,
could delay development of child's first language.

Advantages of learning languages at primary age:
young children learn faster, they are less self-conscious or shy,
they pick up the pronunciation better,
they enjoy copying and learning through games,
nowadays languages are just as important as maths etc.

Conclusion: repeat / summarise our answer.
I my opinion, introduction and conclusion are contradicting with each other..
why do you think so?

"I personally agree with it." this "it" is supposed to refer to the "idea" which means "some experts' statement".

BR!
Allen

Re: I rewrite this language essay, please kindly assess it.

Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2014 10:09 am
by jegankgm
Hi allen,

"while there are certain concerns against this idea, I personally agree with it."

You are right, earlier i misunderstood.

thanks
Jegan

Re: I rewrite this language essay, please kindly assess it.

Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 2:48 am
by rairaichan0323
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

I have a question about that
if i support that the advantages of learning a foreign lanuage at primary outweigh the disadvantages

do I need to mention the disadvantage of beginning to learn a foreign language at secondary school? or I only need to point out the advantages to start studying a foreign language at primary school?

thank you !!