Another T2

[Shokir]

There has been formed quite mixed variety of information sources up to our days. We may divide them into traditional ways of communicating information and modern ways of grasping the data. In this essay I will compare advantages and disadvantages of these ways.

On one hand, conventional ways of getting information enhance one’s perceptibility. Take books as an example. By reading books people not only acquire acuteness, but also they acquire fluent expression skills with variety of words. Another traditional way of communicating is a theatre. What is good in theatre is that you feel yourself as a part of the event and can savor live impersonation of what is happening on the scene. By turn, modern data sources also have their own authority. For example, the television in comparison to theatre does not require somewhere to go. Moreover, you can anytime watch the recorded version of what you have missed.

On the other hand, turning to another side of the matter, books are being found too boring and least attractive by modern people. Not mentioning about theatre which is being considered as an outmoded activity. In addition, the main drawback of both books and theatre is that they require a lot of time which is so difficult to find nowadays. Though, what is worst with the television is that it prevents us from thinking independently compared to books and theatre.

All things considered, I consider the television as the most effective on communicating data. Because in our faster days it is becoming more and more impossible to spare time for books or theatre.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, this essay is quite good. You have used some good language - both vocabulary and grammar - despite some errors. Organisation is clear, though the two sentences in the conclusion should be joined together. I think you could have developed some points more, such as why 'modern' people find books boring/unattractive.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

There has been formed quite mixed variety of information sources up to our days.(<--Reword to: "Nowadays, there are many ways to access information, from traditional methods to more modern ways.") We may divide them into traditional ways of communicating information and modern ways of grasping the data.(<--Delete this sentence.) In this essay I will compare the advantages and disadvantages of these methods.

On one hand, conventional ways of accessing information enhances one’s understanding. Take books as an example. By reading books, people not only acquire knowledge, they also acquire fluent expression skills with a variety of words. Another traditional way of communicating is the theatre. What is good in theatre is that you feel yourself as a part of the event and can savor live impersonation of what is happening on the scene.(<--Reword to: "The advantage of theatre is the immersion factor. One can feel part of the event.") However, modern data sources also have their own appeal. For example, the television in comparison to theatre does not require any travel to view. Moreover, you can watch the recorded version of what you have missed at your own convenience.

On the other hand, books are sometimes considered boring and less attractive by modern people. Not mentioning about theatre which is being considered as an outmoded activity.(<--Reword to: "And theatre is considered outdated and old fashioned.") In addition, the main drawback of both books and theatre is that they require a lot of time, which is difficult to find nowadays. Alternatively, a disadvantage of television is that it prevents us from thinking independently compared to books and theatre.

All things considered, I believe the television is the most effective method of communicating because in today's fast-paced world, it is becoming more and more difficult to find time for books or theatre.